The Other Side of Me - Gemini

Hello My Lovlies, I thought that I would switch it up a little and post some of my poems.  Here's one I think you will enjoy especially you Gemini's.

The Other Side of Me (Gemini)

She is bold, and she’s brash, sexy and funny

Her twin will appear, on that you can bet money.

The Gemini with the two faces always knows

how the train whistles and how the winds blow

 

She is blown into her peak season which is Spring lasting until Fall,

It is during that time of life, she is fully alert and everyone calls

Old lovers, new friends and strangers she meets

offering their company, to go out dancing or to dinner  to eat

She may get into trouble as you can see

She is completely different;  she is the other side of me

 

It is often during this time a suitor she has met

And by Fall, he is gone, and she begins to regrets

Her other side so whimsical and magical it can be,

she wants to go back to that calmer side of she

 

She knows that it’s not good to have loved so quickly and to have lost so fast

such is the life a Gemini…her present collides with her past

Isn’t it funny in her you can see

but know this my lady; you too have the other side of me.

POOF… and He’s Gone. Why He’s Not Calling You Back.

So you meet a guy, and exchange telephone numbers.  He quickly gives you a call that night and the two of you talk for what seems like days.  Your official first date is everything you would expect.  He is courteous, considerate, not grabbing or touching you in inappropriate places.  The two of you walk and talk in the park, listen to music, smile and laugh, and the first date ends well.  BUT WAIT, it doesn’t stop there!  The next morning he calls to say “good morning”, and by noon he is calling taking up his entire lunch break just so that he can speak with you.  BUT WAIT, it doesn’t stop there, he calls you that night just to say “good night”.  Good start huh?

Duh, yeah, because over the course of 4 to 6 weeks, this guy doesn’t change his routine with you.  He’s calling, the two of you are going out, sharing meals together, he knows where you live and more importantly you know where he lives.  You’ve spent nights at his house for god sakes!  And then suddenly, as quickly as this started, it abruptly comes to a screeching halt! 

He may give you the courtesy of providing you with the lame excuse that he didn’t like something you had said weeks before and he needs time to wrap his head around the situation so give him a few days to deal with it, or his sorry behind just stops calling.  This is what I like to refer to as “radio silence”.  I got this phrase from watching old war movies when crewmen on a submarine, in an effort to not be detected by its enemies,  has to dive deep and cut off all communication. Head Quarters can’t even locate them.  Yeah, that’s what he is giving you right now and this leaves you, vexed, confused…down right pissed, because for you this came right out of the blue and blindsided you. Or did it?

So now your emotions are flipping back and forth from being mad and trying to figure out just what the hell happened.  I’ll tell you what happened, he STOPPED CALLING, and you need, must, nay are required to deal with it!  By now, your friends (guys and girls) are telling what to and what not to do and you just don’t seem to know what advice to take.  Well add me to your list because I’m going to give you and ear full.  Wanna hear it, here is goes.

YOU’VE KNOW EACH OTHER FOR A SHORT TIME, IT CAN’T BE LOVE

Heck no it’s not love, but it was a connection.  Energy flows between people.  The issue now becomes clear that for him, it was only a temporary connection, way different from what you were thinking it would possibly grow into.  It’s about respect and in this case, lack thereof.  No one wants to have feelings of disrespect and abandonment.  Whether he is willing to admit it or not, a situation like this is exactly that…disrespectful.

THERE ARE A MILLION AND ONE REASONS WHY HE DID THIS…

And you do not have the time or the resources to try to figure it out.  He knows why and he chose not to tell you. It is not up to you to figure it out. Chances are that you will learn a heck of a lot more about your behavior in this situation than you know about his behavior.

UPON INITIAL CONTACT…DON’T EXPECT THE TRUTH

Trust that anyone who does you that dirty is not going to reveal the truth just because you are blowing up his telephone with calls and texts.  In fact, HE will become annoyed every time he sees your number pop up on his phone.  His mind is made up and there is nothing you can do about it.  Believe me, when karma comes around, and trust me, it will come around, he may have the guts to pick up the phone and give you a call.  Hopefully you will be in headspace where it really doesn’t matter to you any longer.  You have to start processing the fact that you will be just fine.  Who wants to be treated like that anyway?  But instead start thinking about how to get this joker off your mind and out of your thoughts.  Which leads me to my next point…

STOP BLOWING UP HIS TELEPHONE!

Women need closure.  But often we believe that this closure will come from the man.  Nope, not so.  Often times, as in this case closure has to come from you. I took the time to ask some men what a woman should do when faced with this situation and the first thing they said was “leave him alone, he will call when he is ready”.  Well, “Ain’t nobody got time for that”!  I’m not saying that you shouldn’t reach out to him; I’m saying that when you do it must come from a place of true calm and respect for self.  I’m saying that call or text should be your one and final communication. 

At his point, it is no longer about him, it’s about you and the manner in which you communicate this determines whether or not it stays off.  There is nothing wrong with you expressing your feelings in a respectful manner.  When he reads it, it may not register with him right off…but believe me at some point and time it will register.  Just make sure that you are a LADY at all times.

GIVE YOURSELF TIME TO PROCESS THE SITUATION

You know the saying, the only way to get over an “old boo” is with a new one.  This can be wrong on so many levels.  Chances are, the energy that you are putting out often will attract you to the same sort of person you are trying to disconnect from.  Take some time to process this situation, ALLOW YOURSELF TO THINK, NOT OVER THINK IT.  So many times we hold on to something too long because we tell ourselves not to think about it and we feel guilty when we do.  Freely admit to yourself your feelings, only then will you be able to let it go.

Well, my lovelies, as you can see by the length of this article there is a lot to be said on this topic.  It’s hard to believe that this is still happening in 2014!  That is why there will be a Part 2, hell; it may even be a series!  Needless to say, you were a beautiful, talented and gifted person before you met him and you will be a beautiful, talented and gifted person long after he is gone, so why let this hinder you from moving on?  Don’t…IJS.  Until next time my lovelies…

Peace and blessings

Phaedra


 

Relevancy in Today’s Church…How Much is Too Much?

Recently, Dr. Jamal Bryant, of Empowerment Temple, in Baltimore Maryland, used the word “h*es” in the pulpit when preaching to his congregation on the sermon entitled “I’m my own Enemies Worst Nightmare”.  In his sermon he attempted to relay his point about men ignoring the words of good, godly women and instead following the advice from women that may not have their best interest at heart.  He relayed that simple statement above by quoting the hook to a very popular secular music artist, Chris Brown song called “These H*es  ain’t loyal”. This sent both fans and frenemies of Dr. Bryant into a frenzy causing all types of outrage and admiration from all types of believers and non-believers on social media.  Now mind you when I saw the video, it was before it had hit the internet and I have to say that when I heard it my jaw dropped.  You would think that we would know that h*es ain’t loyal, but by putting it this way in a church setting, it seemed  to have resonated  in the minds of both men and women as they where they are jumping up and down, saying “yesss Lord” and praising god.  Although shocked, and taken aback by his choice of song and hook, I have to admit, I got it too.  But then I wondered…in an effort to get the message to the masses and to remain relevant…how much is too much?

 5 months ago, a You Tube video of Senior Pastor Jentezen Franklin of Free Chapel Church in Gainesville Georgia was posted in which he was preaching a sermon entitled “The Boaz Family Tree”.  Here the Pastor admonishes single women to wait on their Boaz and not to fall victim to the members of Boaz family.  He relays a posting he found on Face Book with the type of men Boaz’s cousins were, you know his cousins “broke-az”, “dumb-az”, “cheating-az”, “drunk-az” and my personal favorite “beatyo-az”.  I can’t say that I can remember everything in the bible, but I certainly would have remembered Boaz’s cousins when reading the Book of Ruth if they were like that!  I can only assume that Boaz did have cousins, but since in the bible that I read they were never mentioned, I really didn’t give it any thought.  But thanks to Pastor Franklin, I now know that he did and as a single woman would have not one of them as my husband.  Again although shocked, and taken aback by his choice of words and the Face Book posts he placed on the church big screen for all to see.   I have to admit, I that got that.  But then again I had to wonder…in an effort to get the message to the masses and to remain relevant…how much is too much?

Reaching our young people with the message they can relate to of hope, love and never giving up god’s goodness is vital but even my 25 year old daughter when seeing the videos said “mom, that a little too much!’.  This showed me that there is a line that can and perhaps has been crossed.   With that, we all have to be careful as leaders, citizens and parents in teaching and sowing the right seeds and “messages” in our children’s minds.  We are in the year 2014, and things they are ‘a changing’.  The messages being imparted in churches are often times laced with overtones of secular beats and godly words, face Book post and twitter rants.  Words evoke power and so does music so I can see why it’s important to change things up a little.  It’s the age of social media; it is how we communicate with each other.  But for me, sinner that I am, I am still a firm believer in self-control, modesty, setting apart from, and moderation especially from a pulpit or platform.  I’m just saying.  Until next time my lovelies…

Peace and blessings,

Phaedra 


 

Dear Mama

Maybe it is because I am older and life’s experiences have taught me a thing or two, but I have found that for many Mother’s Day is not so joyous.  Through my relationships with others, I have encountered individuals who did not have the same experience of having a loving, caring warm mother like mine.  And, as I get older, many of my friends have lost a mother in death and the pain of losing her seems unbearable.  My heart and prayers continue to be with you.

No Such Thing as Mother’s Day

Celebrating Mother’s Day in my household wasn’t the norm.  For religious reason, my family did not celebrate any holidays.  But not celebrating Mother’s Day did not negate the fact that my mother was and to this day is very special, and dear to me and my sister.  Mom never received flowers on that day, any special lunches nor dinners, any special acknowledgment, gifts, cards from my sister, me nor daddy.  But somehow, someway, she knew that she was loved not just on that day but every day.  And although she did not receive any special accolades, she still loved and nurtured all of us unconditionally.  She taught us all the things that good mothers teaches, filling our spirits with encouragement, disciplining us when needed, and taking care of each of our needs as if they were carved in her soul to abide by. 

Now before you start to fret, know that there was many times my family celebrated. My parents took time to travel and be with one another just because.  But while the world was celebrating this special day, mommy carried on doing exactly as she had done on any other day…taking care of us, without complaint…and that is one of the main reasons that I truly love and admire her.

Love What Is, and Not What Was 

No, not everyone is/was a good mother.  For the individuals, who as a child suffered through bad experiences, abuse and abandonment know that it was not your fault.  Take the time to fill the holes of your broken spirit, meaning take the steps that need to be taken to make yourself complete.  Seek professional counseling, love those who have been in your life and supported you through the years.  Love what is, not what was! 

I could write a dissertation on why your mom was not the mother she should have been, but that doesn’t matter nearly as much as who you are today, and the steps you are about to make (or making) to become the complete person you are destined to be.  So do the work, it will not erase your past, but you’re not trying to do that…you are trying to build your future.

Physically Gone, but Never Forgotten

January of this year, I almost lost my mother.  What seemed like routine knee replacement took a wrong turn and almost ended her life.  I cannot imagine losing her! But then I began to think about all my friends that have lost their mother’s in death.  I am here to tell you that I see her in you.  When we go out to dinner, conservations at work, when reading Facebook post of events or details in your life with your children and family, I see her in YOU, because those things are only things a mother would say, teach and do. She lives on in YOU…be proud and embrace it.  

So as this day comes and goes, whether you reflect fondly or not, whether you are a mother or not, know that that it’s all about love, and one can never go wrong doing that.  Until next time lovelies…

Peace and blessings,

Phaedra


 

OH THE RACHETNESS, the High Price of Fame…How Far Would You Go?

A few weeks ago, the blogosphere was taken aback from a snippet of the sex tape that was supposedly “leaked” of Love and Hip-Hop reality star Mimi Faust and her boyfriend Nikko London (Smith) whatever.  Here’s how the story goes, Mimi and Nikko, now a couple, love to tape their sexual escapades for their own viewing pleasure.  Oddly enough, this particular escapade gets out somehow and lands right on the desk of Vivid Productions, a well-known company that distributes adult content.  Mimi and Nikko have no earthly idea how the tape got there, but are now promoting, marketing and selling their sex tape on- line, DVD and whatever else they can get their hands on for profit.  Sounds stupid?  Well it is!

Now there are two things that I have no problem with…people who watch adult content, and the people who make adult content.  It’s not my designer bag so I don’t have to carry it!  What I do have a problem with is when people try to act as if they are completely innocent and know nothing about an adult film; they starred, in choreographed and sold to the highest bidder!  Kim Kardashian’s tape was leaked, Mimi’s tape appears to have been packaged with a neat little bow and handed directly to the distributor!  As a matter of fact, Vivid Productions is the same company that distributed the Kardashian tape.  Now I say that Kim’s tape was leaked because this woman sued Vivid Productions due to the fact that the tape was sold without her permission or consent.  Kim later dropped the case and received an unspecified amount of cash in the settlement, plus Vivid Productions ceased production of the tape.  Clearly Kim was upset over the whole thing.  Mimi on the other hand is pushing forward with the distribution of the tape and clearly not as upset as one might be if their “personals” were being shown on the internet and distributed nationwide on hard copy.  If you were Mimi, wouldn’t you want to find out who leaked the tape, how much they were compensated, and beat their tail before contacting the production company and informing them they are about to get sued?  I’m just saying.

Television personalities, radio hosts and bloggers have gotten on the bandwagon speaking their mind on how a 40 something year old mother of one could do such a thing this late in life and the ramifications this may have on her 3-year old daughter as she goes through life.  There have been some valid points made but…it’s not my cup of Earl Grey tea so I don’t have to sip it! When it comes to that, my only hope is that her daughter grows up to be a well-adjusted young woman who is somehow unaffected by her mother’s past actions and acrobatic moves in the bedroom and bathroom, and that she, (the daughter) will live a happy, healthy well productive life.

The motivation behind the couple’s shameless marketing tactics of a “leaked” sex tape is baffling to me.  If it was intended for personal viewing and it is now public, wouldn’t you be trying to shut it down instead of promoting it?  But as Miss Faust alluded to on her Instagram page, "it’s no one business what I do"… and she is absolutely right, it’s not.  BUT, when you deliberately make that type of content and place it in distribution including the internet for all to see well, you have made it everyone business and will get commentary like this so deal with it!   And that’s my little red wagon and I’ll be the one pulling it!  Until next time lovelies…

Peace and blessings,

Phaedra


 

SPILLING TEA…The New Gossip

 

You can’t go anywhere or watch any type of reality show without hearing the phrase “Spill the Tea”.  In fact, the reality shows we watch today (yes, I watch reality shows) are built on the premise of spilling the tea.  Spill the Tea simply means to “gossip”. Everyone has spilled some.  At times, I have been guilty of it myself.  I thought about the circumstances in which I found myself spilling tea, and I also thought about what I needed to do to stop it:

Girlfriend Tea
Danger, danger, danger…because tea is being spilled all over the place!  Whether it is two individuals or in a group, women have a tendency to tell each other about their lives AND the lives of others.  When I am with girlfriends, I realize that if I am not careful, I would be putting my two cents in on something that has absolutely has nothing to do with me and mines.  Consider this so as not to feed into the fury of talking about others.

1.       Take the high road – let your comments begin and end on positive note.

2.       Shut Up – say nothing; let others say what they want.  In time, they will see that you are not partaking in the conversation and the conversation will soon change.

3.       Tell them about it – simply be bold enough to say “we are getting ready to talk about something we know nothing about so let’s just nip it right now”.

Water Cooler Tea
Coworkers can be viewed as extended family members.  Think about it, we see them almost every day and in addition to working together they partake in celebrating the milestone in our lives such as birthdays, births, and promotions.  Coworkers grieve and sympathize with us during bad times such as in the times of sickness and even death.  Believe it or not, coworkers share our lives one way or another.

Water cooler tea is the worst type of tea because  information received usually does not come directly from the source.  It has been passed around the office by several individuals and by the time it gets to you it’s only a version of the truth. STAY CLEAR of water cooler tea!  Do not participate in it, it often leads to bad reputations and strained employee relationships.  It could also hinder promotion within the company.

Family Tea
 There is nothing like hearing all the latest news about the family.  Every family has a particular family member who knows everything about anyone in the family.  Most times, this person has good intentions and has the family’s best interest at heart.  If through the spilling of tea you find that a family member is in trouble, do what you can to offer assistance in the matter and if this is done, let it be in confidence.  Don’t feed into spilling of family tea.

Our relationships with family, friends and coworkers are some bonds that we want to make sure remain healthy.  Our conversations should be up lifting, positive and encouraging, and should anyone tell us anything in confidence we should honor them by keeping the conversation private.  So the next time you are tempted to spill the tea, ask yourself “would I like it if someone was talking about me like that?” When you look at it like that “spilling the tea” is a big mess you would want to avoid.

Peace and blessings,

Phaedra

 

Wudda, Cudda, Shudda!

If you are thinking to yourself that by now you should have done this, or could have done that, you are defeating yourself!  Thinking about the past does not move you forward.  But yet, some think this phrase is motivating.  This thought is one of the reasons why you haven’t gotten any further than you are right now.

Says Who?

You say “you should be further along than this”, and I say…”Who says?”  If the opportunity, position, spouse, relationship, or family was handed to you right now, what would you do?  Do you know?  All I am saying is this, saying that we should be at a certain point in our life just because we are at a certain age or in a certain career does not mean that we would have known how to handle it.  What do you have in place that has prepared you for the transition? 

·         When you get the position, along with the new and challenging projects, are you ready for new team members?  What behaviors would you leave behind or take to your new team?

·         When you get that full-time committed relationship, are you willing to make unselfish sacrifices without complaining? Are you really ready for someone to occupy your space on a full-time basis?

·         When you become parent, are you ready to unselfishly give up your lifestyle as you know it and embrace all that comes with parenthood?

Want vs. Purpose

There is always a void in your life when your wants are not aligned with your purpose.  Before saying where you think that you should be first, figure out your purpose in life.  Finding your purpose is a time consuming journey. Not everyone can be president, but everyone can contribute to the world in one way or another.  As you find your purpose in the world you also begin to walk into what has been destined for you to obtain and grow to.  Find your purpose…find your life.

Your Thoughts Govern Your Actions

Being mindful of how our thoughts are manifested in by words, we would be careful with our thinking.  If you are always staying to yourself and others “I know that I should be further along than this”, you are actually complaining and doubting the place where you are right now.  Be grateful for where you are at the moment and plan your next move with purpose and not desperation. How you phrase your words makes all the difference in the world.

A defeated mentality gets you nothing but defeat, so stop living in the past and leave the wudda, cudda and shudda behind.

Peace and Blessings,

Phaedra