By now you have uploaded your picture(s) to the
site. I can only imagine how many views you have received. Well
over 100 I know! For me, the most aggravating feature on a dating website
are..."Flirts".
Flirts
As I have learned, “flirts” are brief pre-written
words (usually less than 5 words) potential suitors send to see if you are
interested in them. They are cheesy in
content and usually go something like …”I’m Interested in you”, or “Great Photo!”
and if the potential suitor is bold enough, they may send a flirt with
“Flowers”. Now tell me, what is a person
to do with that? Usually the first thing
one does is click on the sender’s profile to view the picture and to read
what they have written about themselves.
If the receiver likes what they see and read, they send a flirt back
using the same cheesy 5 words that were sent to them. This, believe it or not, opens the door for
dialogue.
As this is one of the main ways to break the ice and
create dialogue, it very often ends there.
Let’s say that you viewed the sender’s profile, and liked the photo and
the bio, you respond back in a timely manner…and you NEVER hear from them
again! What is that all about? Why even send the dumb thing, if you are never
going to respond back?
Here's another scenario, let’s say you received a
flirt November 14th and you respond back on the 16th, you’re then thinking that
you should hear back from this guy in about 2 to 3 days, a week tops. As it turns out, he sends his reply back on December 14th!
It has been a month from the initial mutual contact. You can pretty much figure that his subscription will end at 12:01 that night and he is racing against the clock
to respond back before he has to pay another $28.99 to respond to a flirt he should have answered 3 weeks ago.
I tell you…it’s crazy.
Messages
If you dislike flirts, you can opt to just send them a message.
The same thing can happen when responding and sending messages, that’s
why for an extra $3.99 per month, you can confirm that the person
received/opened your message. For an
additional $3.99, I can go to McDonald’s a get a 3 piece Mighty Wings meal, sit
in front of my television and watch “The
Voice” in the privacy of my living room!
I’ve already spent $28.99 for the one month of service on the site, and
now there is a fee to see if someone opens my email? Ain’t Nobody Got No Time
For That!
The Meet
Finally, after the flirt, the messages, the
exchange of telephone numbers and a telephone conversation or two, you should
meet in person. You should do this
sooner rather than later. A prolonged
meeting is a “Red Flag”. If the person is not willing to meet you
within a week of talking, cut all communications. Why let them fill your head with gum drops
and lollipops, if they stall and avoid meeting you? It’s not worth your energy, something is up.
Your first meet should be simple, informal. It should also be in a place where there are
people around like a coffee shop.
College students are always in coffee shops! It should be a place where there are enough
people who notice when you come in and when you leave, but not so many people
there that you can’t hear each other nor can anyone hear what you are
saying. Most importantly, be safe and
know your surroundings.
If the first meet goes well, then you are on your
way to finding out more about them, if not, and then tactfully thank them while
getting ready to make your exit.
Closing the
Loop
If the meet did not go as expected and you find
that you are not interested in spending time with this person, tell them. More than likely a follow up telephone call
will come the next day, or perhaps you can call the next day thanking them for
meeting with you. Be tactful but
truthful. Remember, the same words you
say to a person, another person may say to you.
Karma is a b*&$#! You may say
something like: “Thank you for meeting
me last night, but I feel that I do not want to pursue a second date”. This closes the loop and the person will
know exactly where they stand. And for
goodness sake, don’t say “maybe we can be friends”. These days and times the word “friends” has
an entirely different meaning.
Online dating can be frustrating and even a little
scary. You never know who is at the
other end of that mouse or behind that monitor.
Dating has changed so much since this online tool has come into our
lives, and appears that gone are the days where you were guaranteed to meet a
person by just being out and about. Use
good judgment, never let anyone pressure you into doing or going anywhere that
you do not feel comfortable and always, always be safe.
Happy holidays and dating.
Peace and blessings,
Phaedra
