Welcome to Living in Atlanta: Misty Sunday

From the Desk of Phaedra G. Saunders - New Blog Posting - Living in Atlanta -  Misty Sunday

On
this misty Sunday morning my eyes opened when they wanted and lazily
closed again for another two and a half hours of uninterrupted blissful
sleep.  I dare say that waking a second time was a blessing as someone
in this world on this morning had not awakened the first time...Continue
Reading



 

Misty Sunday

On this misty Sunday morning my eyes opened when they wanted and lazily closed again for another two and a half hours of uninterrupted blissful sleep.  I dare say that waking a second time was a blessing as someone in this world on this morning had not awakened the first time.

On this cool, misty Sunday morning, I watch my favorite Sunday morning television program.  It fills my mind with useful information and it appeals to my trivia side.  Tidbits of knowledge can go a long way.  I drew a hot bath of lavender scented bubbles with a hint of eucalyptus healing my mind and my senses as I forgot about whatever it was that was on my mind prior to that point.  In my kitchen, I prepared a meal that was only to my liking and tried a new wine, a blend of Syrah and Merlot.  It’s what I like to call a “grown” woman’s brunch.

On my misty Sunday, the Grantham family and I spent the afternoon together catching up on what was happening at Downtown Abbey, I just love the Edwardian period with all its grandeur and social graces…the life of Aristocracy, all the while completing a craft project of my own that prepares me for the cold winter days.

On my misty Sunday, sounds of jazz greats like Nina Simone, Stan Getz and Tito Puente waif through my house.  The melodies and words mirror my life, the joys and challenge’s my family and I face, yet we get through.  It puts me in the mood to be just like these artists, creative and working on my craft.  So many good things happened during the course of this day.  I’ll hold that sacred only for me to experience.  Of course, I will close my evening with my love, my passion, my release…my writings.

By now you may be wondering why I chose to write a blog about how I spent my Sunday.  Well, so often the rat race some refer to as “life” leaves one with little time for self.  We spend our free time in different ways, most spend time outside of the home, others inside.  I have a busy life, often times hectic but always rewarding.  But there are moments, days like this in which everything slows down and I can once again appreciate the manner in which I like to spend my free time.  This day brought me back to who I am and some of the many things that I love.  It’s not an every Sunday occurrence, so when it happens it become that breath of fresh air needed to take me to my next breathing space.  One in which I will appreciate, cherish and definitely enjoy. 

So my lovelies, what takes you to your next breathing space?  Whatever it is, take the time to recognize and enjoy it.  Don’t just go through the motions because you are use to doing it, take the time to be present in that moment, drinking it all in and being grateful that you are able to experience it…just where you are.

Until next time my lovelies…there’s only love.

Peace and blessings,

Phaedra

Welcome to Living in Atlanta: Domestic Violence, The Not So Silent Killer

From the Desk of Phaedra G. Saunders - New Blog Post- Living in Atlanta - Domestic Violence, the Not So Silent Killer

I
read a quote which said, “be kind to those that you meet, you never
know what they had to endure just to wake up this morning”.  I think of
this quote when encountering women who rarely seem happy, stand offish,
closed off or attitudinal for no apparent reason...continue readingWelcome to Living in Atlanta: Domestic Violence, The Not So Silent Killer: I read a quote which said, “be kind to those that you meet, you never know what they had to endure just to wake up this morning”.   I...



 

Domestic Violence, The Not So Silent Killer

I read a quote which said, “be kind to those that you meet, you never know what they had to endure just to wake up this morning”.  I think of this quote when encountering women who rarely seem happy, stand offish, closed off or attitudinal for no apparent reason.  I often ask myself” what is she enduring to make her appear this way?  Perception is everything, and more often than not, what we perceive as truth often times, is not.  Domestic violence is REAL, and women are living in this trap of abuse daily.  True, not all women who appear this way is a victim of domestic violence, but she is going through something.  October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM).  This not so silent killer thrives when we keep silent.  Three years ago, before I started blogging and publishing my writings.  I wrote the poem below for my daughter.  She’s now out of the relationship and as her mother, I could only provide limited help because I knew that ultimately it was she who had to find the strength and courage to leave.  I just kept on loving her, talking to her, and praying for her until the day came in which she said “enough”.  I am so proud of her for doing just that.

You don’t have to have marks and bruises on your body to be a victim of domestic violence; it comes in many forms including mental and verbal abuse.  I will go as far to say that I believe that infidelity is also a form of domestic violence in that the cheater is manipulator and liar that has the same characteristics of manipulating, abusing, crushing a woman’s self-esteem and take away her security as the man who abuses a woman physically, mentally and verbally.  (For the purposes of this article we will keep to the physical, mental and verbal abuse). 

We all know women who are or have been victims of abuse; maybe you yourself are or have been a victim.  It’s not an easy thing to watch let alone experience.  But here is what is important to remember, it is not easy for the victim to break away from their abuser.  I know, I know, it makes no sense.  Being beaten, belittled and talked to any type of way and still stay.  In fact, in some instances, a woman that breaks the abuse chains with one man, either goes back, or attracts another man of the same character.  It’s a small percentage…sad but true.  Abuse counselors say that it’s is a mental disease.  I agree, and add that it’s also about getting to such a low place within yourself that you belief what is being fed to you.  The good news is that there are individuals that say, NO MORE, I’M DONE…ENOUGH.  I applaud those sisters; they are on the road to a better way of life for themselves and their children. 

To the sisters that are still in an abusive situation I say, “I know you hear us.  I know that you want to leave.  I know that you are afraid…But only you can make this happen.  There are places that you can go, there is help for you along the way, but YOU have to make the first step and keep stepping.

There is so much more to say on this subject and still that would not be enough.  All I can say to any sister I encounter is to stay strong, to know your worth, to be well and YOU CAN DO IT!

Until next time my lovelies…

Peace and blessings,

Phaedra

HE’S LOVING ME TO DEATH

He’s loving me to death, as I hold a cold compress to my face

if this is true love, I can’t keep up with this pace

‘cause when you say it and then you hit me, I git confused

cause you pay some bills, that means I’m not abused?

My eyes are wide open and I am able to see

each kick, blow and punch that is coming right towards me

my mind is telling me, git yo shit, hurry up …leave

Leave… leave, what you say, leave him alone!

If I run, if I say something, he may break a bone

So wounded and hurt right now I can’t take flight. 

He’s loving me to death, and I am too weary to fight.

Then, I look at my babies and in their eyes I see

that fear, hurt and pain starring right back at me. 

But I know, this here I just can’t have

a two-faced man wandering down this desolate path.

But even if I don’t have the strength on my own

my children, my peace of mind,his reign I must de-throne

I want better for them, hell, I want better for me,

Oh god what must I do to finally be free

to have the strength to walk out of that door, for my  children to see

that a man who hits a woman… is a man no more.

So despite what I feel and the courage that it takes

This time it’s for real and the first step I make

He’s loving me to death but now I see

He loving me to death, but there is a new resurrection within me.

Disclaimer: This is a personal blog. The views or opinions published in this blog are personal and belong solely to the blog owner and do not represent those of people, institutions or organizations that the owner may or may not be associated with in professional or personal capacity, unless explicitly stated. Any views or opinions are not intended to malign any religion, ethnic group, club, organization, company, or individual. Additionally any comments left by any other independent readers or authors are the sole responsibility of that person.

 

Welcome to Living in Atlanta: A Day in the Life of John

Welcome to Living in Atlanta: A Day in the Life of John: We all have our morning rituals.   Mine is to stop every morning at the RaceTrac and fill me up a big cup of their crushed ice! Yes, ...



 

A Day in the Life of John

We all have our morning rituals.  Mine is to stop every morning at the RaceTrac and fill me up a big cup of their crushed ice! Yes, it sounds weird but it’s what I do.  The store is busy, landscapers and construction workers fill up on their much needed ice and Gatorade to quench their thirst on these hot summer days, corporate people in their suits run in for a quick cup of coffee.  Through the glass window that faces the entrance of the store I notice an older gentleman sitting at the café counter.  I see him every day.  He usually has a lottery form and pencil in his hand.  Passersby speak to him on their way out and he waves and he speaks back.  On occasion, I have even given a head nod of “good morning” in his direction, but I never took the time to say “hello”.

One morning in particular, when I was in a moment of weakness, I wanted to eat something more than just a cup of ice to sip on my way to work.  I had no cash and did not want to use my debit card on such a small purchase so I went to the ATM machine to get some cash.  From out of nowhere a man comes up behind me and says “I don’t mean any harm by saying this, but I just wanted to tell you that you look so nice every morning you come in here”.  Since I could not see who was standing behind me at the cash machine, I took a deep breath and started smiling as if the words “thank you” had already emerged from my lips to see John standing there smiling.  Pick up line…I thought to myself, but it was a compliment and I appreciated it.  It really did make me smile.  On my way to work, I couldn’t help but wonder why was this man at this store every day?  Who he was, and you know me…what’s his story?  The entire week, I made it a point to say hello to him, until one day I told him who I was and that I would like to write an article about him.  At first, he had a puzzled look on his face until I explained that my blog was about everyday people who in one way or another had a story to tell that would enrich people’s lives.  He agreed to sit down for an interview.

The next day, I returned pen and paper in hand.  Dressed in his usual khaki’s, polo shirt and baseball cap John, who by the way is 82 years old, told me about his growing up in Summerset Louisiana and his migration to Detroit Michigan.  He’s always been a quiet fellow and learned early to travel alone, because as he puts it “being with the wrong people can get you into trouble”.   We talked about a lot of things like, how he ended up in Georgia, his family, career, regrets and if he could what would he change about his life and here’s what I learned from John’s story:

Family Love is the Best Kind of Love

“I moved to Georgia about 5 years ago.  I am here with my daughter and her children.  She thought it best that I be near her since I’m getting older.  I wasn’t always home, but I remember when the need to change that  came over me.  I worked during the day, and when I came home, my wife would go to work and I would be there with the children (he has 3 children).  I needed to be there with my baby girl, and I was.  It was important to me.  It was then that I quit my bad habits of drinking, smoking and being away from home at night, ‘cause of my children and I am proud of that.”  Family love is more times than not reciprocated.  Being a good parent and a good child pays off in the end.  And if the outcome of your love is not what you expected, in the end, at least you know you were a faithful steward with the gift given to you.

Being with the Wrong People Can Get You in Trouble

“I have never been in any kind of trouble with the law, that’s good.  One night me and my brother went to this club.  We sat at a table and there was a guy sitting across from us had some words with my brother and me, the guy pulls out a gun and points it at me.  My brother grabs me, the guy shoots and nothing came out, but it had bullets in it ‘cause he fired up in the air on the second shot and it fired.  That was God I say.  We left the club and I knew right then, I wasn’t going to hang around anybody any more…not even my brother.  I continued to go to that club but I sat and drank by myself and I been doing things by myself ever since then”.  Watch your association, even with family members.  Blood is thicker than water but blood is no good if it’s pouring out of a bullet wound.  If you want to know where you are going, take notice of who you hang around.

I Don’t Regret, but I Would Change Something

“I was married to my wife for 34 years and she was a good woman.  She was god fearing and kind and she put up with a lot of bad things from me.  I remember us piling up in our motorhome in the summer driving from Detroit all the way to Summerset to visit my family.  My wife would fry chicken and bake a chocolate cake and we would take that 27 hour trip (I made it in 23 hours home).  As the children grew older, it was just she and I and it was still good.  It all changed in 1994 when she died, it wasn’t fun anymore.  I miss her.  The one thing that I would change would be the first 10 years of our marriage ‘cause I was still out in them streets.  I wish I would have been home those first 10 years”.  Some people never learn, but most people do.  The question then becomes when?  Don’t wait to change things about yourself that you know needs to be changed now.  DON’T waste valuable time on stupid things.

Find Something to Do, No Matter your Age

“I come here every day ‘cause I like it.  It’s something to do.  Since I don’t drive any more I can come up here, talk to some people, play my lottery tickets.  Everybody in here knows who I am.  I just don’t sit here all day; I walk all around the neighborhood.  I live right across the street.  When I walk, I look at the trees and cars and people.  I really like coming up here and sitting on this patio and feeling the breeze. I get out and do something every day”.  No matter what age you are it is important to DO SOMETHING!  People were created to connect to something…other people…nature…yourself.  People can’t wait until they retire so that they won’t have to do anything.  But the fact of the matter is that when you retire, you better do something!  Engage your mind and extend your life.  The devil’s playground is still active even at age 82.  Good for you John for not having an idle mind!

Live, love, learn.  Until next time my lovelies….

Peace and blessings,

Phaedra

Disclaimer: This is a personal blog. The views or opinions published in this blog are personal and belong solely to the blog owner and do not represent those of people, institutions or organizations that the owner may or may not be associated with in professional or personal capacity, unless explicitly stated. Any views or opinions are not intended to malign any religion, ethnic group, club, organization, company, or individual. Additionally any comments left by any other independent readers or authors are the sole responsibility of that person.

 

A Day in the Life of John

FROM THE DESK OF PHAEDRA G. SAUNDERS - New Blog Post - Living in Atlanta - A Day in the Life of John

We all have our morning rituals. Mine is to stop every morning at the Quick Trip and fill me up a big cup of their crushed ice! Yes, it sounds weird but it’s what I do. The store is very busy, landscapers and construction workers fill up on their much needed ice and Gatorade to quench their thirst on these hot summer days...MORE TO COME, STAY TUNED

 

Welcome to Living in Atlanta: Our Struggle, Our Fight, Our Victories

Welcome to Living in Atlanta: Our Struggle, Our Fight, Our Victories: January 11, 2013 – Kendrick Johnson’s body was found in a rolled up wrestling mat in the gymnasium of Lowndes County High School, Valdost...



 

Our Struggle, Our Fight, Our Victories

January 11, 2013 – Kendrick Johnson’s body was found in a rolled up wrestling mat in the gymnasium of Lowndes County High School, Valdosta, Georgia, USA, where he was a student. There is a call for justice.

April 8, 2015 – a 25-year-old black man, Nicholas Thomas, was shot and killed in a vehicle by Smyrna police on Tuesday at around 1:30pm. There is a call for justice.
 
May, 2014 – Habersham County Georgia, a Northeast Georgia SWAT team raided a residence in which a flash-bang grenade landed in a 1-year olds playpen seriously injuring the toddler. Because the suspected drug dealer had previous weapons charges a “no knock” warrant was issued. There is a call for justice.

Update: As this writing, Habersham County, Georgia, will pay nearly $1 million to settle a lawsuit by the parents of Bounkham “Bou Bou” Phonesavanh, the toddler who was injured in the drug raid last May. Also, a Habersham County deputy sheriff and special agent of the Mountain Judicial Circuit Criminal Investigation and Suppression Team (“NCIS”), has been indicted by a federal grand jury on charges of providing false information in a search warrant affidavit and providing the same false information to obtain an arrest warrant. Providing false evidence to a judge to obtain a warrant is a federal civil rights violation.

When you hear reports like this on the news what do you do? Sadly, many, me included, head straight for social media sights like Facebook or Twitter to voice outrage, ask questions and even offer condolences to the families of these slain young black youths. We have round table discussions with friends or over telephone lines and text. But somehow, never seem to take it to the streets on a consistent basis. Shameful yes, but that is why we have people like Marcus Coleman an activist and who stands up for justice in our communities.

Mr. Coleman has long been in fights like this one. I first noticed Marcus on Facebook a couple years ago, someone shared a post that I found quite interesting and decided to befriend him. For the past few years I’ve watched as he has remained constant with his challenging of judicial rulings, his speaking out for justice not only in Georgia, but across the nation as well. He is not an attorney, he is not a political figure, he is a man that possesses a type of enduring tenacity that makes a person like me say…“I’ve got to talk to this man”, and being the type of man that he is, he agreed to sit down with me for an interview to talk about his call for justice.

The criminal justice system has long been the backbone in regards to the governance of law in the United States and historically been biased and has missed the mark in the administering of fair sentencing to the underserved and to people of color. In his mid-twenties, Marcus states that he was unjustly imprisoned for a felony crime and spent 30 months in federal prison. It was during this time of incarceration; his need to help others was formed. Upon his release Marcus went into action and became the founder and President of the Atlanta Chapter and responsible for the acquisition of the South Eastern Regional headquarters of The National Action Network (NAN). He worked closely with and still maintains in close relationship with the Rev. Al Sharpton, and credits him for his position in giving a man like himself, a criminal record, the opportunity to reach and help others on a national platform. It has been over a year and a half since leaving The National Action Network to form his own company Save OurSelves #SOS.

RAL: Tell me about your company Save OurSelves (SOS)
Coleman: “Well, it’s something I always wanted to do even when I worked with The National Action Network, but felt the need to do this outside of that platform. It is new, established in May 2014, and it is different. Currently there is no board of directors as I am taking my time to construct the foundation and the people involved in its foundation. We focus primarily on: 1. the criminal justice system in terms of police brutality, unfair prison sentencing, and prison industrial complexes… anything dealing with the penal justice system. 2. Community outreach with the homeless and those suffering with addiction.  3. Mentor-ship with a concentration of Athletics, and this one is the one that I am most proud of”. 

RAL: Why do you do this, and what is your focus?
Coleman: “My major is the black community… with a minor in inclusiveness (laughs) meaning the inclusion of like-minded people with the mindset of fairness and equality for all. I have a number of associates of different races and cultures and religious beliefs, and I don’t discriminate against those who are willing to work hard and fight for an issue. I may be invited to be in meetings and functions with high ranking officials and dignitaries one moment, and the next moment in undeserved communities with individuals who don’t believe in the nationally recognized organizations, and their support and activism is due to a willingness for change in our communities and the abuse suffered by the undeserved and people of color within the criminal justice system. I have associates who are clergymen, atheists and communist, it’s not about their belief or non-belief, it’s about the cause”.

And for Marcus, and the handful of his closest associates, it is about the cause. The Kendrick Johnson case is far from over. Every day, we read truths about his death. As recent as last month, U. S. Federal Marshals seized emails from the Lowndes County Sheriff’s Office after they concluded that there was no foul play in Kendrick’s’ death. Investigators stand by their findings that Kendrick’s’ death was due to a “freak” accident. The Department of Justice has targeted former students in the ongoing investigation into Johnsons’ death. In addition to the seizing of emails from the Lowndes County Sheriff’s Department, Federal marshals also raided the home of the Father (current FBI agent), the dorm room of his oldest son, & a couple’s apartment whom were friends with the oldest son…all former classmates of Kendrick. Although not formally charged, the Kendrick’s family has filed a wrongful death lawsuit naming two brothers who federal authorities are now investigating. I expect their findings in this investigation will be revealed soon, so stay tuned.

Save OurSelves (SOS) is not just a catchy slogan; it is what we as a community now find ourselves having to do not just for our generation, but for generations to come. Surmise it to say, I think that’s what black folks have been doing since our beginning. It’s nothing new, but with changing times and the advancement in technology and social forums, the methods have changed. The grass roots way of finding answers we desperately seek in our communities makes activists like Marcus a necessity in saving ourselves.  Until next time my lovelies…

Peace and blessings,
Phaedra

Disclaimer: This is a personal blog. The views or opinions published in this blog are personal and belong solely to the blog owner and do not represent those of people, institutions or organizations that the owner may or may not be associated with in professional or personal capacity, unless explicitly stated. Any views or opinions are not intended to malign any religion, ethnic group, club, organization, company, or individual. Additionally any comments left by any other independent readers or authors are the sole responsibility of that person.
 

Black Women Wonder…Does The Black Man Have Our Back?

Before the story about Rachel Dolezal broke, I had been reading the comments and post of black men on social media sites complaining about black women, our appearance, our wearing hair weave, too much make up, dating/marrying outside of our race and  us being jealous, lying, greedy deceptive women.   They were complaining and said that they were tired of it.  Many of them also said the black women “need to get it together and stop acting like something that were not…white.   Black women have for a long time heard this tiresome rant from our black men as if we were somehow not true to ourselves and not good enough.  Then Rachel’s story broke and surprisingly I found that a lot of black men rallied behind this woman.  I mean really?  The same thing black men accuse black women of; Rachel Dolezal has been doing for years.  Think about it…she wears hair weaves, braids and extensions, she wears too much makeup and darkens her skin color for effect, she is a liar, and deceived many people.  Now all of a sudden her “faux black identity” and “seemingly good deeds in the black community” is acceptable to black men?  But this article is not about Rachael Dolezal.  This article is about the growing misguided perceptions that some black men have towards black women making us wonder…Does The Black Man Have Our Back?

Double Standards

I am very curious as to why in our black men’s eyes, black women are perceived differently than other races.  I am curious as to why they hold us accountable for the same traits and choices that woman of non color and different nationalities possess as well.  I can only assume that it has something to do with the conditioning of a black man’s mind.  This conditioning goes way back. It is the thinking that the “forbidden fruit” is the lesser of two evils, and God forbid if she is appearing to be helping the black community.   Well this definitely means that she is more serious and committed to the black community than black women.  Feeding, clothing, educating, nurturing, and empowering our children so that they grow to be strong successful members in the community I guess does not add value to our black communities.  This is how many black women “hold it down” and they are proud of that, but don’t discount the black woman when she is not a card carrying member of the NAACP. This too makes us wonder…if you truly have our back.   

Black women wear weaves and wigs because they want to be white 

Frankly, I do not know when black men came up with this notion that a black woman who wears a straight weave is trying to be white.  Listen carefully…black women wear weaves and wigs BECAUSE THEY CAN, and BECAUSE THEY WANT TO.  Black women know that they are black and instead of trying to change their ethnicity, they are in fact changing their look for style and fashion…that is it, that is all.  Black women wear weaves and wigs because of convenience.  Black women wear weaves and wigs to add length their hair, to let it rest between perms and to cover up an illness or scalp disease.  Black women wear weaves and wigs for many reasons but believing that they are white because they do so is not one of those reasons. Why must black women justify why they want to wear their hair in a different way?  They don’t.  Please don’t discount her blackness by what she puts on or in her hair, she is more than that. This too makes us wonder…if you truly have our back.

Black Women are Jealous of White Women

No absolutely not…untruth.  Black women are not jealous of white women.  Being female is universal to all women. But let’s face facts, black women have to watch what they say and watch the manner in which they relay information.  They are over worked and underpaid. Black women have to be better than just to survive.   Black women must master the art of communication, negotiation and disagreement so that they are not labeled as “difficult” and “aggressive”.  Black women are perceived as angry and argumentative, and when it comes to love and relationships,  70  percent of black women are unmarried (meaning either having never been married, divorced, separate or widowed) compared to 45 percent of unmarried white women.  Black women are not jealous…black women are just plain ‘ol tired.  And when a black man makes these types of comments, it makes us wonder…if you truly have our back.

Honestly, I am hurt and saddened that it took three words "I am black" from this woman's mouth to believe in the black woman, when everyday they don't seem to listen to the sister standing behind him in a grocery store or sleeping beside him in their bed.  It hurts and feels like a slap in our faces.

There are two things that I am proud of: being a woman, and being black.  I take immense pride in being both, and being both is not easy.  It was not a choice, and honestly if I had the luxury to choose over, I would not change a thing.  I appreciate and acknowledge the great strides and peril my foremothers before me endured.  I would like to think that if I were in their shoes at that time, I would have risen to the occasion as they had.  Black women need our men to see us, have our backs and love us unconditionally.  So, I’ve changed my mind about this article and I can do this because I’m the one writing it…this article is not about the misguided perceptions black men have of black women, this article is about the cry of black women to black men for them to have our backs.

Until next my lovelies…peace and blessings,

Phaedra