There is Always Room for Love

You are never too old to learn something new.  My grandson Elijah turns two years old today.  Of course, it is a big deal to our family but you may be wondering to yourself “what does this have to do with me?”  Well, there is a lesson for all in this brief story.  This lesson will resonate with each of you, without you knowing this little boy.  Just take a few moments and read.

Elijah's conception was a surprise (well, at least for me it was).  You see my daughter was in a relationship with a young male that well, I thought was not good for her.  And, to be honest, I didn’t like him.  But this story is not about them, this story is about who came from them.  Already having a precious granddaughter, I thought that my immediate family was complete. My daughter could go back to school, find part-time work and get her life back on track.  All this was put on hold with the news of a 2^nd pregnancy.  From my perspective, as the only person working a full-time job in the home, I would be placed under more financial strain, more food to buy, more clothes to buy, additional daycare, transportation, and the list goes on and on.   Not to mention the mental and emotional strain of having a male that I did not like, and who I believed did not treat my daughter as he should as a permanent fixture in our lives. And while I never believed that I would not love this unborn child; I did not know that my love for him would be like this.

In every way, bringing this child into the world was hard, emotionally, financially and physically.  Erin worked more than her share of 17 hour day at a nearby Waffle House just to bring in some money to cover some of her and Ariah’s expenses, and to prepare for his birth.  I was working a contract job at the time and worked extra hours at night and on weekends just to buy the necessary items one need’s when having a new child.  We didn’t expect anything from anyone else figuring if they did come through, it would be an extra blessing.  Then one day on her regular doctor’s visits, the doctor told Erin that the baby was losing weight inside her womb and that she would have to deliver him immediately!  I was at work when her call came in and had to leave straight away and take Ariah to her father’s house which was an hour and a half away.  I did not know if I could make the trip and get back in time for his birth, so I called two of my girlfriends to be there with Erin just in case.  I thank them to this day for their covering.  My only thoughts at that point were to get my granddaughter to her destination safely and that if Erin had the baby before I arrived, that they were in good health. Elijah’s father and his family were contacted as well.  I made it in time for the birth and although he was underweight, mother and baby were fine.

Now, here is how my experience may connect with you.  This experience has taught me the power and benefits from love and forgiveness.  Elijah has taught me that through him, I am able to see a different part of his father, the part that loves and cares for him and seeing this part of him, I am able to forgive him of our past incidents.  Until this day, I never thought that I could forgive, but this forgiveness is not for him… because it frees me.  It frees me to give and to get the love both Elijah and I deserve. 

Through Elijah I am reminded of how much I love my own sister.  The love that little boy has for his older sister is sweet, innocent and protective.  I am thankful that they have each other to lean on in this crazy world, as I have through the years leaned on my sister for love and support. 

But most of all, Elijah has taught me that I am still capable of experiencing “abundant love”, “in spite of love” and” because of love”.  He has taught me that one does not have to s-t-r-e-t-c-h to let someone into your life, and that if you open your heart just a little, it comes naturally. Both he and his sister teach me daily to show love to people even if I do not know them.  How freeing and wonderful this is!

So “thank you” Elijah, your presence in this world is changing the way your Mimi sees the world, and is also capable once again to experience the awesome power of love and gratitude.  Happy Birthday and...

Peace and blessings,

Phaedra


 

Old School Mardi Gras Christmas Party!

Atlanta is fast becoming a city of glitz and glamour.  And sometimes this glitz and glamour can be seen in even the simplest occasions.  In some parts of Atlanta, you may be invited to a BBQ and when you get there tables with linen table cloths are set up, and there is a wine bar, and a pit master who is more often than not, a caterer hired to prepare the food instead of the owner of the home behind the grill.  A pit master…really?  And who eats ribs on linen table cloths?  Ask yourself, when was the last time that you went to a genuine, old fashioned, old school party?  This past weekend, “Living in Atlanta” traveled to Lawrenceville, Georgia to attend a “Mardi Gras Christmas” party.

There are key elements to an old school party:

1.       Location – Someone’s home
2.       Attire – Come as you are – there is no dress code
3.       Food – is there and plenty of it!
4.       Drink – every type of liquor/beer from the rooter to the tooter on the make-shift bar
5.       Music – a DJ and he/she has any song you can ever think of from blues – current day
6.       Children – they are there, but they are NEVER seen, but well taken care of
7.       Dancing – one person may be on the floor one minute, and 50 people the next,
       depending on the song.  And there is always a song for the “wobble” or “cha-cha slide”

But the most important element to an old school party, are the old school people.  Grown folks who know how to get along and have fun.  Such was the case Saturday night at the Mardi Gras party I attended.  When I walked through the door with my friend Yvonne and her husband Mike, it was warm and inviting because it was not about who you were, but more about making the person feel comfortable.  You see, these ladies have been friends for a long time.  Oddly enough, they all met through their children’s sporting activities.  The boys played basketball, baseball and football and the girls were on the cheer squads, and some of the moms and dads were their coaches.   Systematically they all met and became friends, and their friendship has stood the test of time. 

This annual Christmas party (year 7 to be exact) was no different from any other gatherings these couples have at their homes throughout the year. There is a Matriarch, who dresses to the nine’s and when she speaks everybody listens…and her shoe game is fierce, there is the karaoke queen who sings her rendition of “I’m Every Woman by Chaka Kahn at EVERY party—hilarious, there are the dancers in this group and the singers and they all tell the infamous story of how they met and what they have been through as a group, and how they are STILL STANDING.  The husbands and men in their lives are right there with them dancing and singing and sharing stories as well.   They are a family and you sense that the moment you walk through the door. 

There was plenty to do with trivia games and performances, plenty to see, with the girls vs. guys dance off, and plenty to eat – red beans and rice, gumbo and other assorted goodies.  I felt like I did growing up in North Carolina.  Whether it was at my parent’s home, Uncle Don and Aunt Dottie’s or Aunt Novella’s house, we had the type of parties where family and friends dropped by, the door was always opening and closing with more people coming in than going out, our matriarch’s in the kitchen frying chicken and fish and making biscuits and god knows what else, music playing and an over the top card game (bid whist) being played.  Whew, good times!  So thank you Yvonne, Mike, Monica and Scott, for the memories, all is not lost for the fair city of Atlanta.  Keep on doing you and keep on inviting me!

Peace and blessings,

Phaedra

 

Welcome to Living in Atlanta: Blurred Lines - How Business Communication Can Aff...

Welcome to Living in Atlanta: Blurred Lines - How Business Communication Can Aff...: There is nothing more appealing to an MBA graduate, lawyer, or engineer than to move to a city of opportunity like Atlanta.   For the ...



 

Blurred Lines - How Business Communication Can Affect Your Personal Life

There is nothing more appealing to an MBA graduate, lawyer, or engineer than to move to a city of opportunity like Atlanta.  For the corporate woman, it is a business Mecca.  For the corporate single woman, it can also be hell.  As a woman raised in corporate America, communicating with colleagues and clients is easy for me.  When a client relays their company vision for a project, I have a good idea of what they need or want, and in return, I express what we (my company) is capable of providing.  If a miscommunication arises, it is usually because my client did not like my answer, and not because they misunderstood.  Email correspondence, and conference calls are constructed so that each point given is precise and leaves no room for interpretation.  But in dating, these skills are not transferable, and often times the corporate maiden is perceived as being demanding, stiff or cold. 

 

Since communication is the art of and technique of using words effectively to impart information or ideas, why does the corporate maiden fair better in business communications than in communicating on a personal level?  I began to look at the similarities and differences in my business communications and personal communications and this is what I found.

In business…training is essential

A good corporation equips their employees with the necessary tools for success.   Employers train their employees in what is known as “business communications”.  Training workshops and classes on business etiquette, writing and speaking are available to every employee and are more often than not, a mandatory part of performance reviews for all employees in the company.  I took full advantage of these classes and during interaction with colleagues and client meetings had ample opportunity to use the techniques learned from the classes.  Such is not the case in personal life.  In life, there are no training classes or workshops, no simulations of what should be said in certain situations, no dry runs.  In life you have to go through it to know it, and if you’re lucky you will learn from it on the first go round.  But we all know that is not the case.  Life is our training class and we learn (hopefully) valuable lessons sooner rather than later.

In business…it’s a team effort

In corporate America you are never alone, in other words, it is a team environment.  Each team member contributes to the vision according to their specific skill set.  In our personal lives our “team environment” are our girlfriends who offer advice, but often times, they are in the same situation as we are and making questionable choices in their own lives.  But girlfriends are a necessity so, know the skill set of each of your friends and build your team.  No woman is an island having a strong team in your personal life matters.

Business motto…its business, not personal
With that as a mantra swirling around in our heads, it’s no wonder business and personal lines blur.  In business we say… show me the bottom line… now show me how we get there and the projected time of completion.  You work backwards to reach your goal. In personal relationships, it is the opposite.  We start on the common ground of “like”, and then begin the journey of getting to know each other, not really solidifying the bottom line in the beginning.  We are not really sure how much time and work must be put in to see what the outcome will be.  This can be quite a change in how we “do business”.  This is a no brainer…if you want a full life, then you must be willing to take the journey!

My fair corporate maidens, it is possible, no vital, that you separate business from pleasure.  Balance is important and even though some of the skills learned on your way up the corporate ladder can easily be applied to your personal life, one must make an effort of truly valuing the experience of getting to know a person.  Take the time to see where life or a relationship can take you without having a timeline to follow.  Take the journey; it may surprise you where you end up.

 

Peace and blessings

Phaedra

 

A Change in Holiday Traditions

Christmas is right around the corner!  With about 3 weeks to go, people are gearing up for the holiday festivities.  But for someone like me, Christmas will be different this year.  For me this change in holiday activities is pretty much the beginning of change in my holiday life for the rest of my life.

This past spring, I became an “empty nester”, so not only has my day-to-day life has changed, but also my holiday activities changed tremendously.  My daughter and grandchildren are in their own place so a lot of the special holiday traditions we did when my daughter was young are now obsolete.  I am excited for them as they make up their own way to celebrate the holidays with each other.  Now the question becomes, “What am I going to do this Christmas?” 

A Change in Holiday Traditions

It used to be that I would cook huge meals consisting of pretty much the same food (ham, fried chicken, collards, yams, potato salad, chocolate cake etc…) every month from November thru January; I no longer have to do that.

I don’t have to buy a live tree, strap it to my beautiful clean car, drag it through the front door, set it up in the stand and decorate it poking myself in neck, chest and back just to decorate it perfectly.   I don’t even have to decorate my condo with lights on the mantle, poinsettias, trinkets my daughter made in school through the years and miles and miles of garland. I don’t have to make decisions on what toys and clothes to purchase and how I was going to purchase them. I don’t have to water that dam tree every day!

No more settling in the evening of Christmas Eve with a bottle of wine because I know that 50+ presents had to be wrapped before 5 am in the morning.  I don’t have to remember to bake cookies for Santa and its 2 o’clock in the morning and I have been drinking wine and wrapping presents all night.  I don’t have to remember at 4:30 in the morning, that I need to get out of my bed, go into the kitchen and take two bites out of two cookies with a sip of milk so that my daughter would know that Santa was there.  Wine, cookies and milk do not sit well on your stomach at 4:30 in the morning. 

Lastly, I do not have to wake up at 5 am in the morning only to find that all the presents have already been opened and that wrapping paper and boxes are all over the place, look to my left to find my child sitting in the mist of this paper mess playing joyfully with some electronic gadget smiling and asking me…”Hey mommy, what’s for breakfast?”  Again I ask you…”What am I going to do this Christmas season”?

I’ll tell you what I’m going to do this Christmas season…NOTHING!  The grandchildren’s presents will be wrapped and delivered to their house 3 days before Christmas.  I’m going to wake up at whatever time my eyes open.  I may eat breakfast, I may not.  I will enjoy a nicely prepared steak dinner with whatever fixing’s I choose, and I am going to sit on my warm cushiony leather sofa with a blanket and a glass of wine  watch the Law and Order marathons ALL DAY!

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way, oh what fun Phaedra will have doing absolutely nothing all day!!!

Peace and blessings,

Phaedra

 

WORLD AIDS DAY

It is 1980, and the world as we know it, changed forever all due to a life robbing disease called AIDS.  It’s hard to imagine the world without this disease.  For someone like myself, I can remember a time when our world was AIDS free.  But then I look at my daughter and my grandchildren and realize that this disease has been a part of their world just as long as they have been alive…and there is still no cure.  Today, is World AIDS Day. 

Through the tireless efforts of the gay community, researchers, doctors, and philanthropic organizations, tremendous advances in education, prevention and the medical treatment of AIDS have been made through the years.  But it’s not enough, the epidemic continues to disproportionately impact gay and bisexual men, transgender women, youth 13-24… especially in communities of color.  According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), there are over a million Americans living with HIV and approximately 500,000 new infections every year.  The highest rate among that group is found among young black men. 
Of late, the silence about this epidemic is deafening.  We live each day in a world where people are either living with this disease or finding out HOW to live the rest of their lives with this disease and our discussions about it has seemingly come to a halt.  Why is that?  Have we become desensitized to it, accepting it status quo, treating it as if it were as common as the flu or the common cold?  What will it take for you as an individual or better yet, we as a community to restart conversations within our own families and with each other?

The world as I knew it is no more, and I have come to realize that the conversations that I will have with my family are much more complex than the conversations my parents and grandparents had with me and my sister.   But you can best believe that we will continue have the hard hitting talks, the uncomfortable conversations and brutal honesty necessary to educate and inform and I pray that you and your family continue to have these types of talks as well.

Peace and blessings,

Phaedra