Woman Heal Thyself

When I was younger, my mother would say to me “when you get older, you will know”.  Her statement left me with the impression that all I had to do was to grow older and I would be magically bestowed with great wisdom and knowledge. And to a certain extent Mom was right, there is so much more that I know now than when I was younger.  Mom didn’t really explain that while growing older I would encounter people, situations and experiences that would shape me and enhance my knowledge of the world.  What mom failed to impress on me was that these experiences and situations that I would encounter would at times bring me great joy, and great pain.  Mom didn’t tell me that in my growing older and knowing, I would be hurting and how one heals from hurt.

And so I grew.  All the while facing battles and slaying giants, climbing mountains to success and tumbling back down the mountain.  Growing older, gaining knowledge, living life’s experiences but never quite healing.  And what I discovered is that I didn’t know how to heal.  Sure I would “self-soothe”, meaning get over the failed marriage and subsequent relationships, loss of jobs and internal family struggles.  But my self-soothing left a residue that followed me into the next experience in life.  You see, there is a difference in self-soothing and healing.

Soothing vs. Healing

The definition of soothing is "to tranquilize or to calm, to relieve, comfort, or refresh”, while healing is “to make healthy, whole, or sound, to restore, to bring to an end or a conclusion”.  “Soothing has a temporary affect, that is why we find ourselves in the same situation repeatedly, not being able to let things go, feeling angry and disappointed time after time.  We calm ourselves just enough to get to the next encounter.  Healing  is permanent.  Sure, we may find ourselves facing a similar situation but we are equipped to recognize it for what it is and remove ourselves from it WITHOUT feeling  the anger and disappointment.  We can let go of it all.

 How Do I Begin to Heal?

If you are anything like me, right about now you are asking “HOW?” How do I heal?  The healing process is different for every individual but the first step is universal.  The first step in process of healing  begins with forgiveness of self.   As we become self-aware, we begin to take a long hard look at ourselves and more often than not, that look is not pretty. We start with the “how could I’s,  and the “what was I thinking”, literally beating ourselves up for the life we have lived thus far.  Realize that you are in the “NOW”, and what you do from this day forward can only get you to where you need to be.  It’s time to  change your perception, and change your life! 

 The journey of healing takes time and one size does not fit all.  I found the points below helpful to me on my journey of healing:

·         Acknowledge your need to heal  -  what you have done in the past isn’t working.

·         Build on your spiritual foundation – if you don’t have one, that’s a problem

·         Pray, meditate, affirm - the more you practice, the more deserving and appreciative you become.

·         Talk to someone – a professional or a counselor is best, and this time, take their advice.

·         Listen to what your trusted friends say about you…If you’ve heard it from more than one person…more often than not, there’s some truth to it.  Look into changing that behavior.

·         Appreciate your progress – healing takes time so be patient with yourself and appreciate the progress you are making. 

My mother was right, the older you grow, the more you know…I am so thankful that in my growing older, I am learning how to heal.  Until next time my lovelies…

 Peace and blessings,

Phaedra