The movie, The Black Panther spoke volumes to me. Not only did this movie depict the beautiful
culture and landscape of Africa, it also shined a spotlight on the supporting characters,
in this case black women who were skillfully cut from the back story and placed
in the front to become a representation of who black women are. These
women, along with an army of female warriors were formed into one large
representation of “the” black woman. I am amazed how this appeared on the big screen
and appreciative towards the directors, writers and actor’s ability to
subliminally place this in the forefront of our minds…but then again, I wondered
if black men saw what I saw? If I had to
judge by the comments from black men on my Face Book page, I would say not, as
their comments appeared to be about the fierce fighting skills of only one-character,
General Okoye. But the funny thing is
that the observation of her character was only physical and sadly enough, those
men missed the mark on who she is and who we are.
But then again, isn’t that indicative of how many black men view
black women? Single strength in the face
of danger a black woman produces results.
She alone taking care of the needs of others in the home, the black
woman produces results; the black woman makes a way out of no way and black men
know what black women are capable of because they have experienced it. But, all too often, their knowledge, admiration
and appreciation of us fails to transcend over into their personal loving space. This
is one of the many reasons why President and Mrs. Obama was so important to us
(black women). Being the leader of the
free world and all eyes on him, anything he wants he is the first to receive
it, he’s was the President dammit who better than him to get that kind of
treatment. For eight years black women
watched as he made his way through all the pomp and circumstance, racial hate,
global issues, and stupid insane tactics people threw in his face, and yet he purposely
and instinctively had Michelle by his side, she never was a step behind him, he
always considered especially in public, HER first. There was not step that he
made whether on the White House lawn, walking to and from Air Force One, even
getting out of the limousine, that he didn’t consider her first. Isn’t it funny, that for him, the one
everyone caters to, transferred this attention to Michelle? Their strength, love and respect for one another
transcended outside of the White House gates and was made visible to the
outside world and presented their union as a united front. In hard times and good times, they did it
together. And my loves, isn’t that what
we want? To be at his side, to be made
visible as a united front inside and outside of the home?
The comedian Mo’nique and her man-ager husband, Sidney Hicks is
another couple that comes to my mind who portrays unity outside the confines of
their home in a relationship. I take no issue in the type of relationship they
have (it’s rumored they have an open marriage), I take no issues with what they
are fighting for (their cause of racial, gender and age bias against Netflix),
but what I am saying is that Monique and Sidney fight and live on a unified
front, and everyone knows it and complain about it. If she’s getting the accolades, he does to,
if she’s getting the hate and push back so does he and together they fight in
unity…publicly. Is that such a bad
thing?
But how do we transcend and make this a practice in our
relationships when many of us do not see this as an issue? I think back to my
parents and the elders in my family, when you saw Uncle Oliver, you saw Aunt
Maysha, when you saw Uncle Don, you saw Aunt Dottie. You saw them holding hands, dancing together
at parties, traveling together and running a business together. I’m sure they had some difficult moments, but
we never saw it. They were without a
doubt unified couples.
I often wonder what the effect of this non-transcendence will or
has had on our children for the past few centuries? Are our little black boys learning how not to
be inclusive with their women and to compartmentalize what each female gets? Mom is treated like this, auntie this way and
sister that way, and oh wifey…this way. Are
our little black girls being taught that they are only to be “strong” black”
women and they have to carry the load of life themselves? Personally, I don’t want my grand daughter to
be a strong black woman, I want her to be a “smart” black woman, and I want my grandson to know his strength
and to be inclusive in his relationships, I want him to know that with “her” at
his side at home and in public, he is a stronger man for it. But they must choose the right person to
partner with who knows and practices the same ideas…and that my lovelies are
the challenges they face.
In Part 2 of this article I will be looking at when this shift
changed and how. I’ll also discuss how
we as a unified body of human beings can work towards a transcendence of black
love publicly.
Until next time my lovelies…there’s only love!
Peace and blessings,
Phaedra Saunders
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