Black Women Wonder…Does The Black Man Have Our Back?

Before the story about Rachel Dolezal broke, I had been reading the comments and post of black men on social media sites complaining about black women, our appearance, our wearing hair weave, too much make up, dating/marrying outside of our race and  us being jealous, lying, greedy deceptive women.   They were complaining and said that they were tired of it.  Many of them also said the black women “need to get it together and stop acting like something that were not…white.   Black women have for a long time heard this tiresome rant from our black men as if we were somehow not true to ourselves and not good enough.  Then Rachel’s story broke and surprisingly I found that a lot of black men rallied behind this woman.  I mean really?  The same thing black men accuse black women of; Rachel Dolezal has been doing for years.  Think about it…she wears hair weaves, braids and extensions, she wears too much makeup and darkens her skin color for effect, she is a liar, and deceived many people.  Now all of a sudden her “faux black identity” and “seemingly good deeds in the black community” is acceptable to black men?  But this article is not about Rachael Dolezal.  This article is about the growing misguided perceptions that some black men have towards black women making us wonder…Does The Black Man Have Our Back?

Double Standards

I am very curious as to why in our black men’s eyes, black women are perceived differently than other races.  I am curious as to why they hold us accountable for the same traits and choices that woman of non color and different nationalities possess as well.  I can only assume that it has something to do with the conditioning of a black man’s mind.  This conditioning goes way back. It is the thinking that the “forbidden fruit” is the lesser of two evils, and God forbid if she is appearing to be helping the black community.   Well this definitely means that she is more serious and committed to the black community than black women.  Feeding, clothing, educating, nurturing, and empowering our children so that they grow to be strong successful members in the community I guess does not add value to our black communities.  This is how many black women “hold it down” and they are proud of that, but don’t discount the black woman when she is not a card carrying member of the NAACP. This too makes us wonder…if you truly have our back.   

Black women wear weaves and wigs because they want to be white 

Frankly, I do not know when black men came up with this notion that a black woman who wears a straight weave is trying to be white.  Listen carefully…black women wear weaves and wigs BECAUSE THEY CAN, and BECAUSE THEY WANT TO.  Black women know that they are black and instead of trying to change their ethnicity, they are in fact changing their look for style and fashion…that is it, that is all.  Black women wear weaves and wigs because of convenience.  Black women wear weaves and wigs to add length their hair, to let it rest between perms and to cover up an illness or scalp disease.  Black women wear weaves and wigs for many reasons but believing that they are white because they do so is not one of those reasons. Why must black women justify why they want to wear their hair in a different way?  They don’t.  Please don’t discount her blackness by what she puts on or in her hair, she is more than that. This too makes us wonder…if you truly have our back.

Black Women are Jealous of White Women

No absolutely not…untruth.  Black women are not jealous of white women.  Being female is universal to all women. But let’s face facts, black women have to watch what they say and watch the manner in which they relay information.  They are over worked and underpaid. Black women have to be better than just to survive.   Black women must master the art of communication, negotiation and disagreement so that they are not labeled as “difficult” and “aggressive”.  Black women are perceived as angry and argumentative, and when it comes to love and relationships,  70  percent of black women are unmarried (meaning either having never been married, divorced, separate or widowed) compared to 45 percent of unmarried white women.  Black women are not jealous…black women are just plain ‘ol tired.  And when a black man makes these types of comments, it makes us wonder…if you truly have our back.

Honestly, I am hurt and saddened that it took three words "I am black" from this woman's mouth to believe in the black woman, when everyday they don't seem to listen to the sister standing behind him in a grocery store or sleeping beside him in their bed.  It hurts and feels like a slap in our faces.

There are two things that I am proud of: being a woman, and being black.  I take immense pride in being both, and being both is not easy.  It was not a choice, and honestly if I had the luxury to choose over, I would not change a thing.  I appreciate and acknowledge the great strides and peril my foremothers before me endured.  I would like to think that if I were in their shoes at that time, I would have risen to the occasion as they had.  Black women need our men to see us, have our backs and love us unconditionally.  So, I’ve changed my mind about this article and I can do this because I’m the one writing it…this article is not about the misguided perceptions black men have of black women, this article is about the cry of black women to black men for them to have our backs.

Until next my lovelies…peace and blessings,

Phaedra