The Project Man…and Why Many Single Women Won’t Date Him.

Spring is in the air!  That’s right, dating season is back.  All winter long I have been listening to single women in Atlanta moan and groan about how they want a man in their life.  Well, now’s the time, and any city that you are in is the place however; there is a hitch…They don’t want a man who is a PROJECT.

What is a PROJECT Man you may ask?  It could be a number of things but here are the TOP 4:

The man with a child or children and aka baby momma

The man that doesn’t have a relatable employment

The man that doesn’t have relatable education

The man who is persistent and determined to get to know her.  Translation:  She assumes that because he knows that she doesn’t have #1, and possess #’s 2 and 3 he wants something (it makes her nervous)

Project Man #1 – Child/Children and baby Momma

Oh how I hate that term “Baby Momma” but for the purposes of this article I shall use it.  I must admit, I can understand.  Children are lifelong commitments, and depending on the age of the child when you meet the man, it could be considered life +20.  This is a concern especially for a single woman with no children.  Here she desires a husband and children of her own and she has to contend with the fact that their child is not and won’t ever be the first.  His time and attention will be divided and momma bear will be making sure that her child is NOT forgotten. 

The thing to remember when considering dating a man with a child(ren) is how he prioritizes his responsibilities between you, the child(ren) and the interaction with their mother.  If you want to be first in his life with all things, then STOP READING right now because this is not the man for you.  There are many successful blended families co existing today.  It’s up to him to set a precedent.  The successful man listens to you, takes into account what is needed, listens to your needs, sets the boundaries between him and the mother and maintains the balance within this relationship.  But you also have to be open and patient to a point.  Some women are cool with this, others are not.  If this is not for you, don’t even entertain his advances because you will never be happy with the results.

Project Man #2 and #3 – Relatable Employment and Education

You work for a Fortune 500 company and he works at a gas station.  Whoa, talk about a divide!  While you are pouring over spreadsheets and are in countless meetings, he’s ringing up a bag of chips! But seriously, there are some differences in this scenario with finance being at the top of the list.  Other things might include a possible difference in skill set and social skills.  Let’s face it, these days and times if the roles were reversed a woman working at the gas station is not appealing to many men either.

It is not for him to know what you do during the course of your work week or else he would be doing what you do.  You have to first figure out what he brings to the table and what it is that you need from him. They say that “potential” stops at a certain age, but you don’t really know what the person is about just where he works.   But if you want that lifestyle, if the financial situation bothers you, if you are afraid of what friends and family may think or feel, keep it moving.  This situation can be taxing and stressful especially if you are trying to make it work.  If you have to make it work…it won’t work.  Again, if this is not for you, don’t even entertain his advances because you will never be happy with the results.

Project Man #4 – Persistent and Determined

He calls on a regular basis, ask you out within a week of meeting you, checks in regularly and he possesses all three from the list above. You on the other hand are lacing up your running shoes by the time he sends his last “good night” text for the evening because you figure…there is something wrong with him.  Face it; you are terrified out of your mind because no one wants to be duped into something.  It’s an oxymoron because the very thing that he is doing calling, checking in and being consistent is the very thing that we are afraid of because of his circumstances.  Honestly ladies, I can’t call it.  Maybe there are other intentions, a come up perhaps…maybe not.  To let him pursue or not to let him pursue…that is the question.   I just don’t know and I’m just keeping it real. 

The fact of the matter is that we are all “Projects”.  We all have issues, circumstances, hang-ups and things we need to work out.  To me the real question here is what issues, circumstances, hang ups and things that need to be worked out are we willing to work with?  Love rarely comes in the package that we envision.  In fact it is not placed in our paths ready to go.  It takes being truthful in what you need and a willingness by both parties to work together to make it right for the two of you.  To date him or not to date him, that’s up to you but love is out there…you just have to find it.

Until next time my lovelies, remember…There’s only love.

Peace and blessings,

Phaedra