Welcome to Living in Atlanta: The Beautiful One, Unapologetically…Remembering Pr...

Welcome to Living in Atlanta: The Beautiful One, Unapologetically…Remembering Pr...: I heard the news this afternoon and just like everyone else around the world was shocked, saddened and dismayed.   Now, I never write...



 

The Beautiful One, Unapologetically…Remembering Prince

I heard the news this afternoon and just like everyone else around the world was shocked, saddened and dismayed.  Now, I never write about story the day that it breaks, don’t know I just don’t.  But today, it was the only that I could thing about.  Like so many others, Prince’s death is affecting me and I didn’t know why.  Yes, I have his records, seen his movies, been to his concerts, seen interviews but I have never met him personally or even came close to it.  Why does this mean so much to me??

Maybe it is because like me, he was born under the Twin sign Gemini.  You know the sign that everyone loves to hate because people think that we are moody.  We are not moody, we just feel things and it is that which takes over us. The sign that is highly communicative, creative and artistic…naturally.  The sign that says what they want when they desire to so, but prefer to live their lives in secret.  No need for fanfare, no need to be the life of the party or to live our lives out in front, we carry that in us  and validation from those we love is most important. Respect the art, creativeness and talent that is all. 

Maybe it is because Prince Roger Nelson was unapologetically himself.  Small in stature but larger than life in confidence and talent; from the hair, to the heels to the “eyes” he was what saw and what you didn’t see at the same time.  When you looked at him, (when you were allowed to) you couldn’t quite figure out what he was thinking, you only knew what he thought when sang.  Sensual, sexy and quite “freakish” he brought that side out of every human and made it okay to say yes to sensuality.

Maybe it was his ability to find his truth in his religious beliefs and turn his life in that direction. He was not the man he used to be.  Unapologetic, he took the time to know and look at the bible in a clean simple way and just to see God, Jehovah, Yahweh for who he is without religious dogma.  I understand and respect that. 

But mainly, I feel a kinship due to the fact that he loved his culture following no one’s rule (he never voted) but instead chose the symbol of love, the most important possession anyone can have.  At age 57, he left this earth way too soon.  And as my friend said "May Yahweh bless his spirit because his soul has died with his flesh".  

My favorite Prince song is “The Beautiful Ones” –“I may not know where I’m going baby, I may not know what I need.  But one thing, one thing is for certain baby I know what I want, and if it  please you baby, please you baby, I’m begging down on my knees.  I want you” –makes me cry every time I hear it.

Until next time my lovelies, remember… there’s only love.

Peace and Blessings,

Phaedra

 

Welcome to Living in Atlanta: The Purist Love

Welcome to Living in Atlanta: The Purist Love: I’m not a relationship expert, never claim to be.   But I have seen and have experienced a few things in my lifetime.   I’ve been in ...



 

The Purist Love

I’m not a relationship expert, never claim to be.  But I have seen and have experienced a few things in my lifetime.  I’ve been in love and fallen out of it.  I have enjoyed the company of some great men who opened my eyes to life, I’ve been both the student and the teacher, and I am truly grateful for that.

At this stage in my life I am still learning about relationships and love but in a different way.  It’s kinda curious experiencing these feelings; it’s like a deja vu, only choosing to take different routes than the ones taken before.  This one I must say is teaching me the most. 

When I say the purist love, it is not said with naive school girl innocence, filled with colorful butterflies and unicorns.  While chemistry is a factor in pure love, pure love takes courage, it takes compromise and it takes the willingness to be “all in”. It takes speaking up without lashing out.   It is not selfish or self-centered, and at times, it may not seem fair.  That is why it is so important not to waste time, your or anyone else’s.  If the person that you meet possesses a quality, characteristic or situation that you know you don’t want, then it is best not to pursue it, because in the end you will only end up breaking hearts and creating ill will.   The fact of the matter is that love for one another, even in a non relationship form, for all intent and purposes is not meant to harm. It is meant for good.   

I’ve had the pleasure of being around couples in love.  Some have been married for decades while others only a matter of months.  They are happy and at peace with themselves and I had often wondered how they got to that point, better still what does it take to maintain it?  There are valuable keys to a relationship below are just a few I’ve witnessed.

Building a Solid Foundation

Everything starts with a foundation, the stronger the foundation, the stronger the relationship, the shakier the foundation…well you know the rest.  There must be some common core values that the two of you share.  Views on family, morals, ethics, and beliefs and let’s not forget finances.  A strong foundation makes it possible to reasonably and respectfully talk about issues that arise, because at the end of the day the pillar of your foundation is a mutual respect for each other. Anything built on sand will not last.

 Understanding Each Other’s Wants and Needs

He wants a house on the hill, while you want a cozy little cabin just for two.  While he is striving to get the house on the hill, you could care less.  The more time he spends acquiring that, the further and further the two of you are drifting apart.  There is nothing wrong with his wants and you may want to ask yourself a few questions.  Do I understand what it will take for him to achieve his goal?  Do I believe in his vision even if it is not a priority on my list?  Am I doing my part in support him/her while their dreams are being pursued?  While this illustration is geared more towards the material, it can be applied to anything, material, spiritual, physical.  At the end of the day, when two are working towards becoming one a balanced view of individuality is essential.

It’s hard Out ‘Chea  (Here)

Yep, I said out ‘chea  (here).  It’s crazy when you think about what you face on a day-to-day bases and when you are in a relationship the craziness doubles.  So it is important to know the person in your life is in the trenches with you, you are not doing this alone and that you are not taking the lead. It is a joint effort in which both of you have the same desired outcomes…success in love, family and life together.

Real talk my lovelies is that the journey to the purist love is going to take heart and blind faith and to be honest can be quite scary.  It is attainable and I for one my loves am willing to take the plunge.

Until next time my lovelies…there is only love.

Peace and blessings,

Phaedra

 

Welcome to Living in Atlanta: Lupus Awareness: What You Don’t Know About Lupus

Welcome to Living in Atlanta: Lupus Awareness: What You Don’t Know About Lupus: “But you don’t look sick” are words uttered by friends and family members who learn that a loved one has been diagnosed with lupus. But...



 

Lupus Awareness: What You Don’t Know About Lupus

“But you don’t look sick” are words uttered by friends and family members who learn that a loved one has been diagnosed with lupus. But in fact, lupus is a physically challenging and life-threatening disease, and until lately, lupus patients suffer in silence due to the lack of  the lack of awareness of the disease, the lack of knowledge of the disease, and the lack of funds for research and development for more FDA approved medications.   Often misdiagnosed, it can take as long as 3 to 4 years before an individual can be diagnosed correctly. The lack of awareness of the disease, and not knowing the symptoms can significantly hinder an individual from being diagnosed in a timely manner. 

So what is lupus and how can we raise awareness about this disease?  I sat down with Maria Myler, Georgia Chapter President and CEO to get a better understanding of lupus and the current mission and goals for the Georgia Chapter of the Lupus Foundation.

Phaedra:  I’ve had family members who suffer with lupus and some have died from it, but I never understood the disease…What is Lupus?

Maria:  “Lupus is an autoimmune disease that can attack any part of the body.  It is where the immune system is unable to determine between the good and the bad within the immune system.  With lupus, the body cannot tell the difference between the foreign invaders such as bacteria and viruses and the healthy tissue within a person’s body and creates auto antibodies that attack and destroy the healthy tissue. It affects mostly young minority women ages 18-45.  Men and children of all ages are affected as well”. 

Phaedra:  Many people think that the swelling of joints and skin rashes are the only side effects of lupus…what are there other types of lupus?            

Maria:  There are 2 types of lupus.  Cutaneous Lupus Erythematosus  which is lupus of the skin which causes rashes or sores (lesions), most of which will appear on sun-exposed areas such as the face, ears, neck, arms and legs.  Individuals with this type of lupus find that their disease worsens with exposure to ultraviolet (UV) rays from sunlight or artificial light. The more chronic type of lupus is called Systemic Lupus Erythematosus or (SLE) and this where within the immune system, the body attacks itself affecting vital organs of the body such as the skin lungs, nervous system, heart, lungs and the kidneys.  More than 50% of lupus patients have kidney involvement, which results in dialysis and or kidney transplants. With both types of lupus, patients experience extreme fatigue hair loss and fevers.

Phaedra:  What do you find most challenging for individuals who have lupus?

Maria:  I feel that most lupus patients have the feeling that they are alone in this fight. Also the unpredictability of the disease, the life diminishing and life threatening effects of the disease, patients face physical and emotional challenges every day.  With lupus, every day is different, every patient is different, and each reaction to the medications is different.

Phaedra:  For the individuals in the work-force, how does lupus affect them on a day-to-day basis?

Maria:  For the patients who are able to sustain employment in the work-force, their symptoms can be managed through medication, but they continue to face the physical and emotional constraints of having the disease. They struggle with extreme fatigue, and fevers, changes in their appearance due to hair loss, and swelling of the joints makes it difficult to face the work day.  For those suffering with organ involvement, permanent disability is their only option.

Phaedra:  What are the medications being prescribed for lupus patients? 

Maria:  There are only 2 FDA approved medications for lupus patients, so raising awareness and funding for more research is vital in this fight.  Currently there are 16 drugs in the pharmaceutical pipeline awaiting approval and the next 5 to 10 years will bring about significant changes for all patients with lupus.

Phaedra:  How does the organization raise awareness for lupus?

Maria:  Our main fundraiser for the organization is the “Walk to End Lupus Now” campaign in which the state Georgia holds the largest attendance record.  By participating in the walk patients have the opportunity to tell their stories which in turn reaches donors who help in the fight financially.  Support groups, symposiums and the support of state lobbyists are also tools used to raise awareness and funds for the organization as well. 

Phaedra:  What are the 2014 Goals for the Georgia Chapter?

Maria: We want to build the corporate teams and get support from our corporations here in Georgia.  There are some major corporations like Georgia Power and AT&T who have set up headquarters in the state and having them participate as champions to this cause would greatly increase awareness of lupus and produce major financing for research and developments of safe FDA approved drugs for lupus patients.

Lack of awareness and support can be just as detrimental as the disease itself.  Advocates of lupus, lupus patients and their friends and families are working diligently to change all of that but, they need your help.  For more information on The Lupus Foundation or to contact your local chapter, please visit www.lupus.org.

Peace and blessings,

Phaedra

Lupus Awareness: What You Don’t Know About Lupus

 

“But you don’t look sick” are words uttered by friends and family members who learn that a loved one has been diagnosed with lupus. But in fact, lupus is a physically challenging and life-threatening disease, and until lately, lupus patients suffer in silence due to the lack of  the lack of awareness of the disease, the lack of knowledge of the disease, and the lack of funds for research and development for more FDA approved medications.   Often misdiagnosed, it can take as long as 3 to 4 years before an individual can be diagnosed correctly. The lack of awareness of the disease, and not knowing the symptoms can significantly hinder an individual from being diagnosed in a timely manner. 

 

So what is lupus and how can we raise awareness about this disease?  I sat down with Maria Myler, Georgia Chapter President and CEO to get a better understanding of lupus and the current mission and goals for the Georgia Chapter of the Lupus Foundation.

 

Phaedra:  I’ve had family members who suffer with lupus and some have died from it, but I never understood the disease…What is Lupus?

Maria:  “Lupus is an autoimmune disease that can attack any part of the body.  It is where the immune system is unable to determine between the good and the bad within the immune system.  With lupus, the body cannot tell the difference between the foreign invaders such as bacteria and viruses and the healthy tissue within a person’s body and creates auto antibodies that attack and destroy the healthy tissue. It affects mostly young minority women ages 18-45.  Men and children of all ages are affected as well”. 

 

Phaedra:  Many people think that the swelling of joints and skin rashes are the only side effects of lupus…what are there other types of lupus?            

Maria:  There are 2 types of lupus.  Cutaneous Lupus Erythematosus  which is lupus of the skin which causes rashes or sores (lesions), most of which will appear on sun-exposed areas such as the face, ears, neck, arms and legs.  Individuals with this type of lupus find that their disease worsens with exposure to ultraviolet (UV) rays from sunlight or artificial light. The more chronic type of lupus is called Systemic Lupus Erythematosus or (SLE) and this where within the immune system, the body attacks itself affecting vital organs of the body such as the skin lungs, nervous system, heart, lungs and the kidneys.  More than 50% of lupus patients have kidney involvement, which results in dialysis and or kidney transplants. With both types of lupus, patients experience extreme fatigue hair loss and fevers.

 

Phaedra:  What do you find most challenging for individuals who have lupus?

Maria:  I feel that most lupus patients have the feeling that they are alone in this fight. Also the unpredictability of the disease, the life diminishing and life threatening effects of the disease, patients face physical and emotional challenges every day.  With lupus, every day is different, every patient is different, and each reaction to the medications is different.

Phaedra:  For the individuals in the work-force, how does lupus affect them on a day-to-day basis?

Maria:  For the patients who are able to sustain employment in the work-force, their symptoms can be managed through medication, but they continue to face the physical and emotional constraints of having the disease. They struggle with extreme fatigue, and fevers, changes in their appearance due to hair loss, and swelling of the joints makes it difficult to face the work day.  For those suffering with organ involvement, permanent disability is their only option.

Phaedra:  What are the medications being prescribed for lupus patients? 

Maria:  There are only 2 FDA approved medications for lupus patients, so raising awareness and funding for more research is vital in this fight.  Currently there are 16 drugs in the pharmaceutical pipeline awaiting approval and the next 5 to 10 years will bring about significant changes for all patients with lupus.

 

Phaedra:  How does the organization raise awareness for lupus?

Maria:  Our main fundraiser for the organization is the “Walk to End Lupus Now” campaign in which the state Georgia holds the largest attendance record.  By participating in the walk patients have the opportunity to tell their stories which in turn reaches donors who help in the fight financially.  Support groups, symposiums and the support of state lobbyists are also tools used to raise awareness and funds for the organization as well. 

 

Phaedra:  What are the 2014 Goals for the Georgia Chapter?

Maria: We want to build the corporate teams and get support from our corporations here in Georgia.  There are some major corporations like Georgia Power and AT&T who have set up headquarters in the state and having them participate as champions to this cause would greatly increase awareness of lupus and produce major financing for research and developments of safe FDA approved drugs for lupus patients.

 

 

Lack of awareness and support can be just as detrimental as the disease itself.  Advocates of lupus, lupus patients and their friends and families are working diligently to change all of that but, they need your help.  For more information on The Lupus Foundation or to contact your local chapter, please visit www.lupus.org.

 

Peace and blessings,

 

Phaedra

Welcome to Living in Atlanta: In Relationships: Why Do We Self-Sabotage?

Welcome to Living in Atlanta: In Relationships: Why Do We Self-Sabotage?: You meet a guy and right away you are attracted to him.   He’s handsome, knowledgeable, and worldly and has a wicked sense of humor. ...



 

In Relationships: Why Do We Self-Sabotage?

You meet a guy and right away you are attracted to him.  He’s handsome, knowledgeable, and worldly and has a wicked sense of humor.  He makes you smile.  The first few months are the “get to know you” stage.  He is an open book, transparent even.  He knows that if he says too much you will run away and if he says too little you will still run, so he provides you with the perfect balance of the good, bad and ugly with truth being at its core.  In this imperfect world, he appears perfect; meanwhile, you are waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Does this sound familiar? 

This article focuses on the ways in which we sabotage an otherwise good relationship, and often times when we realize it it’s too late. So what’s a girl to do to side-step the trap of self-sabotage and what are the ways we can sabotage a relationship?

TRYING TO LIVE THE PERFECT LIE

In the single girl’s world we dream of the perfect man.  Sounds good right? But reality is there is no such thing as a perfect man.  It’s a myth, urban legend, hell, it’s a lie.  But still that is what we think we will find when we find love.  So when this attractive, worldly, wickedly funny man enters your life, you instantly attach the myth of perfection to him.  If a man has told you the bad and ugly of his past, the question now becomes in the immortal words of Colonel Nathan Jessep, in the movie A Few Good Men…Can You Handle the Truth?! Instead will you choose to apply the past into your future together?  This is the foundation of self-sabotage.  Although he may be a good man…he is not a perfect one.  He will make mistakes and sometimes even disappoint, but you have to talk about it, not accuse, because communication is key.  

More importantly you will see that as time goes on, he is not the total package, he’s human.  If in the beginning you can see his core, if he constantly possesses the qualities essential to build a strong union together, then that is what you work with, because you cannot mold clay from steel.  There is no such thing as a ready-made man, or woman.

Fear and Ego:  The Dangerous Duo

Everyone has a past.  You have one don’t you?  Then what makes you think that he doesn’t and better yet, what makes you think that when he says “that’s in the past” he lying?  If your past is behind you…then why can’t his be behind him?  Fear of someone creeping back into position is possible with your thoughts and constant talk about his past ways often brings them into your situation.  Everything dream or problem starts with a thought.  The power of the manifestation is real! 

Fear produces nothing good and feeds that little monster called the ego.  Instead of thinking about what happened in his past, concentrate on his behavior and treatment of you.  Remember the bad and ugly mention in the beginning of this article; do you see any traces of that in your relationship?  This is a good indicator to help you see the man he is with you, and not the man he has told you about in his past.  If you see traces of his former bad behavior, you know my motto “cut ties and move on”.  If not, continue on your journey together making a new start and new memories.  To be honest, there will be some traces of his past that will be in your future mainly due to the fact that he may have a child or children from a previous relationship.  This you cannot deny.  But it is the way in which he handles this part of his past that will quiet your fear and tame your ego.   You had nothing to do with his past and fear and ego places it directly into the pathway your future. 

  

Insecurity

This topic, my lovelies has nothing to do with him, but EVERYTHING to do with you.  An insecure person is not fit to be in any type of relationship as their insecurity will surely cause it to fail. If you are an insecure person it is you who are living in the past, not him.  YOU are the one drawing on past experiences and applying it in your current situation when there is no real evidence for it.  Insecurity feeds into fear and ego; the three go hand-in-hand.  Know that being in love and in relationship with your mate consist of hard work, patience, self-less-ness and most of all vulnerability. An insecure person cannot be all four. Being open and vulnerable is one of the strongest traits that you can possess, and I want you to possess it.  Self-assurance causes you to know the difference between patterns of bad behavior and self-sabotage.  Self-assurance, if warranted, allows you to move on from those old patterns and opens your heart for the “real thing”. 

Not every apple on the tree will be a good apple. I say, let it fall to the ground and reach higher for the deep red, juicy, delicious one.  It’s there…we just have to keep on picking.

Until next time my lovelies, remember…there’s only love.  

Peace & blessings

Phaedra