You Married Who??…Self-Marriage the New Trend

I am hearing more and more stories about single women marrying themselves; it’s called “Self Marriage”.  Self- marriage is when a woman plans and executes a wedding ceremony where she marries herself.  She makes a grand entrance, usually in “wedding gown like” attire, and says vows of commitment in front of family and friends.  More elaborate ceremonies come equipped with bridesmaids, flowers, a wedding cake, a wedding ring, someone walking her down the aisle, full pledge reception and HONEYMOON!  The planning, the frustration…the costs!  Really…I wonder if it’s open bar too.

The reasons for such occasions vary from overcoming obstacles from being in a bad relationship, a recent divorce and re-dedication to love oneself, or, and get this…they were not married by their predetermined set age, so they married themselves instead.  It is through this type of ceremony where a re-dedication of love and respect for self is expressed to all in attendance.  But I can’t help but wonder if all this is needed to love yourself?

When I first heard the term “self-love”, I will admit that I did not know where to start or how to do it.  Quite often women feel that loving themselves begins externally; they criticize their weight, the way they look, and their lack of accomplishments in their life thus far, feeling that if those things are not in line with where they think they should be they are somehow a failure.  And while all of that is important to improve, through years of soul searching and enlightenment, I know without a shadow of a doubt that if you look at your life through such a narrow scope, you will always feel unworthy, unaccomplished and depleted. 

Think about this…if the universe is constantly changing, and there is an ebb and flow of unseen energy that has the power to direct our paths in a different direction, what makes you think that your life’s’ direction has not changed and is not continuously changing?  Here’s a bigger question… Do you know what direction your life is flowing? Loving yourself begins with YOU and the perception you have about your life and the experiences that comes with it is the only thing that YOU can change.  Loving yourself is personal; it takes time, and is a process.  The steps to self-love are not easy steps to take.  It requires falling down and getting back up yet again.  But you do get up and try again and soon enough, that particular thing may no longer be an issue for you, and that my lovelies are the things to celebrate.

So whereas I do not feel the need openly express my self-love by planning and executing a marriage ceremony that involves only me, I do agree with having the actions in my everyday life that proves only to me, that I am loved.  I’ll save the marriage part for the man of my dreams.

Until next time my lovelies…

Peace and blessings,

Phaedra

 

WHO AM I

To all my beautiful sisters out there, no matter your race or nationality or skin color…this is for us! 

WHO AM I

 I am positive energy in its rawest essence

seeking to be molded into what I was created to be.
I am my creator’s breath from which I came and to where I will return.
                   
I am of cultures from long ago, a mixture of ancestors blended perfectly
with a darker hue and filled with pride.  I am limitless as to my abilities,
knowledge and capabilities and I sense that you know this, but fear not,
I was created not to harm, but to love.

I am lips and hips, breasts and thighs.  I am curves that form the shapeliness

that has the honor of bringing forth future generations.  I am partner, confidant,
life bearer and truth.  I am the softer, gentler reflection of man.

I am beautifully and wonderfully made in an image that transcends time.

I am things known and unknown.  I am love and strength, forgiveness and peace.
I am my own force, my own form, my own mind…I AM WOMAN.

Peace and blessings my lovelies…

Phaedra


 

New Lessons Learned from Old Things Seen

Curious thing about consciousness, you begin to see everything in a different light.  You begin to see the original intent of a person, through their creativity, inspiration and words.

Fifteen years ago, Robert Redford directed the movie “The Legend of Bagger Vance” starring Will Smith and Matt Dillon.  Its release had some not so kind reviews.  I remember watching the film and I found it quite entertaining.  Golf was my father’s favorite sport and that aspect of the movie was easy to understand.  When I first saw the movie, it was clear to me that it was about this young war hero coming back to his home town after the war trying to pick up the broken pieces of his life.  I thought it was through the game that he loved so much as a child; he found inner strength and overcame adversity and obstacles.  But on this lazy Saturday morning, I turned on the television and by chance it was on and I felt drawn to watch it again.  This time, gleaming a different understanding of what the film was truly about.  It spoke to where I am at this stage in my life.

Find Your Authentic Self

It can’t be taught, or inherited from family, it’s something that is often forgotten and has to be remembered.  Finding your authentic self comes through the practice of life, the hardships, trials and victories in life. In referencing it to the game of golf, he likens it to a practice swing as the golfer is searching for the one shot, focused on that one shot and that shot will chose him, but he has to allow it to.

This resonated with me because I although a seemly strong person, I had a desire to please.  So when I made the decision to leave an organization over 20 years ago it changed my life drastically.  Friends and family left and I felt as if I didn’t know who I was.  I was heart-broken and lonely.  Thanks be that I know differently now, thanks be that I now know that each one of us has that “one” thing that is true to only us.  We must seek it and pursue it and that surrendering to the force behind everything we do is the first step in finding your authentic self. 

Tap Into The Unseen

Energy is the life force that surrounds us at all times.  It is the heartbeat of nature, humans and the breath and life of existence, but we rarely acknowledge or embrace it.  A blade of grass responds to sunlight differently at 10 am than it does a 5 pm.  That is not something I ever gave any thought to.  The positive and negative forces of energy are in direct correlation with our actions and the way we interact with each other, in nature and with ourselves.

Its’ Been There All Along

Moving from one moment to the next is the flow of life.  Goals are being accomplished, dreams are bigger and confidence grows stronger.  You may attribute all of this goodness to a book that you have read, a person that you’ve met or an opportunity you’ve seized.  And while all of that may be true, please know that all that you are accomplishing at this moment has been in you all along.  You are now playing your game of life, the one made especially for you alone and that was given to you when you came into the world.  Nothing was given to you that you didn’t already have; it was just a shift in your perception of how to achieve it that has made the difference.

You are and always have wonderfully and beautifully made.  Until next time my lovelies…

Peace and blessings,

Phaedra


 

I Had To Let You Go

This is the end of the first week in the New Year (2015) and many of us have vowed to let go of things that were holding us back.  This renewed determination of “letting go” is the first step in the current year journey.

What is so interesting about this piece is that as the writer, I wasn’t thinking about anyone in particular, so many things were going through my head.  Upon reading, most would automatically assume that I am talking about a man.  Maybe I am, maybe not.  Maybe I’m talking about a job, a parent, a child, a friendship, a habit or a situation.  But the one thing that I know is that this piece is relatable, and it’s my prayer that this piece speaks to you.

 I HAD TO LET YOU GO

I had to let you go, it caused me pain just to think it

I had to let you go, for it was the only way that I would commit
My thoughts to other things, my dreams and aspirations too
I had to let you go, it was time to become anew.

I had to let you go, I kept saying to myself just a little while longer

I had to let you go, hoping you felt the same type of hunger
The hunger you feel when you want something so bad that you sit
idly by, wait and smile when inside your heart you feel so sad.

It’s like looking at a painting a Monet or Van Gough

Each vibrant stroke of the artist brush is his passion and you know
It’s a beauty that you are witnessing and that beauty makes you shake
But when looking at it closely you realize that it’s a replica, a copy, a fake

How can you continue to view it as beauty after that?

After admiring that beauty and now you feel flat
Well, that’s when you appreciate that moment in time
And moments are just moments there are no grayed lines
You appreciate what was and what it was not to be
I had to let you go so that I could learn to appreciate me.

I love you all, until next time my lovelies…

Peace & blessings

Phaedra