Online Dating - Holiday Edition Part I

Online Dating - Holiday Edition – Part I

Online dating has been around for some time now and has grown increasing popular in the singles’ community.  I would be so bold to say that from my perspective, it can also be one of the most frustrating processes to endure.  Now that the holidays are here, and the weather is cold, people have a tendency to want to connect and get close with someone; you can expect to see more than the usual traffic on the dating websites during this time of the year.

Single women in Atlanta often hear is that the ratio of women to men in Atlanta is 20:1.  For a single woman, like myself, who is looking for a true meaningful relationship, that ratio scares me.  They say that a more accurate ratio of women to men in Atlanta is 2:1; unfortunately this does not include the population of gay men in Atlanta or men in prison.  But, it is still better than 20:1.

I have often been told that there is a formula to successful online dating.  I still have not mastered the formula, but I can share with you tidbits, hidden meanings and “red flags” that a single person should look for when putting themselves out there in cyberspace looking for love.  Now, I am speaking purely from a woman's perspective, so guys please feel free to tell me if you encounter similar dating situations.

CHOOSING A DATING WEBSITE

The old adage is true; you get what you pay for.  There are plenty of “FREE” dating websites that you can choose from.  How can I say this and still be politically correct and at the same time tell the truth?  I can’t…free websites gives you guaranteed expose to everything thing that you are NOT looking for in a mate.  At least with a paying site, you can see that a person has earned enough money for at least 1 month of services which put them on an equal playing field in that respect…enough said!!I

CURRENT STATUS

This means your current dating status, single, divorced etc... Here are some current status’ you should avoid:

Separated/Legally Separated  

Keep it moving!  If you are separated be it legal or not it means one thing…YOU ARE MARRIED and have no business on a dating website or even talking to anyone for dating purposes period.  For all those who fall into that category, take my advice, pay the extra $350 and get a divorce then enter into the dating world as a true single person!

Divorced:  Find out how long this person has been divorced.  If it has been less than 18 months, Keep it moving, because at this point you are dating him AND the ex-wife because that will be the only thing he is  going to talk about… the EX!

Single:  Many interpret this as… Are you married? Although they may not be married, find out just how single the person is.  Ask questions like: are you living with anyone or is anyone living with you, do you have a girlfriend?  I like to ask this question:  Is there anyone (woman) out there who BELIEVES that you are their F-R-I-E-N-D?  More than likely the answer to this question is “yes” and again I say…Keep it moving, they are in a relationship but not married… meaning they are cheating and it’s a waste of time thinking that the individual is free and clear and they are clearly not.

THE PROFILE

OMG, if this isn’t the broadest representation of a person I’ve ever seen!  But you can tell a lot by a person’s profile.  For instance, I perceive the person who does not bother to write anything about themselves on their profile as a lazy person.  Why use this type of dating vehicle if you do not write anything out there for a person to know a little something about you?  I know that the set-up of your account took time, but why not finish the job?  Personally, I do not respond to anyone who does not write about themselves on their profile.

Then there is the person who writes absolutely too much on their profile!  I mean com’on; must you post a poem that you wrote while sitting up all night contemplating your life’s purpose?  Moderation is key.  Tell just enough for someone to get a general idea of the type person that you are. Be clear, concise and to the point.  No need to tell them everything about you on your profile…that is what the dating process is for. 

ASK ME FOR MY PHOTO

WHY???  The site clearly tells you that you get a better response when you post photos.  If you want conversation, why not complete the profile and include at least one picture of yourself?  And please, post a recent photo.  I know that I do not want to see a picture of a person taken 20 years ago when they were in the Navy.  Are you in the Navy now?  Probably not, you have since retired with 25 years of service.  Post a picture of yourself at your retirement party for god sakes!  It may not land you a 25 year old hot chick, but at least you will be honest. 

NO PICTURE

If you do not place a picture on line, you are not going to get any responses what-so-ever. Who wants to try to communicate with someone who doesn’t write anything about themselves AND you don’t have a picture?!!  I perceive these individuals as NOT TRUSTWORTHY!  People are very visual and as they say on line –“no pic, no pick”. (laughing)

**Also beware of the pictures that are too good to be true, perfect, and flawless.  Although there are beautiful people all around the globe, online dating sites are a heaven for internet scammers.  They often post pictures of beautiful people just to get the attention of possible targets.  We’ll talk about that later in future post.

Overwhelmed yet? Just imagine how you will feel when you post your profile to a site.  But take heart, we will dive deeper into online dating in future post.  Sadly, it seems as if this form of dating is not going away, but one can be smarter when it comes to dating on line in Atlanta.  Stay tuned for future post.  I haven’t even gotten started yet! Happy hunting.

Peace and Blessings,

Phaedra