Welcome to Living in Atlanta: The Project Man…and Why Many Single Women Won’t Da...: Spring is in the air! That’s right, dating season is back. All winter long I have been listening to single women in Atlanta moan ...
Thursday, March 31, 2016
The Project Man…and Why Many Single Women Won’t Date Him.
Spring is in the air! That’s
right, dating season is back. All winter
long I have been listening to single women in Atlanta moan and groan about how
they want a man in their life. Well,
now’s the time, and any city that you are in is the place however; there is a
hitch…They don’t want a man who is a PROJECT.
What is a PROJECT Man you may ask?
It could be a number of things but here are the TOP 4:
The man with a child or children and aka baby momma
The man that doesn’t have a relatable employment
The man that doesn’t have relatable education
The man who is persistent and determined to get to know her. Translation:
She assumes that because he knows that she doesn’t have #1, and possess
#’s 2 and 3 he wants something (it makes her nervous)
Project Man #1 – Child/Children
and baby Momma
Oh how I hate that term “Baby Momma” but for the purposes of this
article I shall use it. I must admit, I
can understand. Children are lifelong
commitments, and depending on the age of the child when you meet the man, it
could be considered life +20. This is a
concern especially for a single woman with no children. Here she desires a husband and children of
her own and she has to contend with the fact that their child is not and won’t
ever be the first. His time and
attention will be divided and momma bear will be making sure that her child is
NOT forgotten.
The thing to remember when considering dating a man with a child(ren)
is how he prioritizes his responsibilities between you, the child(ren) and the
interaction with their mother. If you
want to be first in his life with all things, then STOP READING right now because this is not the man for you. There are many successful blended families co
existing today. It’s up to him to set a
precedent. The successful man listens to
you, takes into account what is needed, listens to your needs, sets the boundaries
between him and the mother and maintains the balance within this
relationship. But you also have to be
open and patient to a point. Some women
are cool with this, others are not. If
this is not for you, don’t even entertain his advances because you will never
be happy with the results.
Project Man #2 and #3 –
Relatable Employment and Education
You work for a Fortune 500 company
and he works at a gas station. Whoa,
talk about a divide! While you are
pouring over spreadsheets and are in countless meetings, he’s ringing up a bag
of chips! But seriously, there are some differences in this scenario with finance
being at the top of the list. Other
things might include a possible difference in skill set and social skills. Let’s face it, these days and times if the
roles were reversed a woman working at the gas station is not appealing to many
men either.
It is not for him to know what you do during the course of your work
week or else he would be doing what you do.
You have to first figure out what he brings to the table and what it is
that you need from him. They say that “potential” stops at a certain age, but
you don’t really know what the person is about just where he works. But if
you want that lifestyle, if the financial situation bothers you, if you are
afraid of what friends and family may think or feel, keep it moving. This situation can be taxing and stressful
especially if you are trying to make it work.
If you have to make it work…it won’t work. Again, if this is not for you, don’t even
entertain his advances because you will never be happy with the results.
Project Man #4 – Persistent and
Determined
He calls on a regular basis, ask you out within a week of meeting you,
checks in regularly and he possesses all three from the list above. You on the
other hand are lacing up your running shoes by the time he sends his last “good
night” text for the evening because you figure…there is something wrong with
him. Face it; you are terrified out of
your mind because no one wants to be duped into something. It’s an oxymoron because the very thing that
he is doing calling, checking in and being consistent is the very thing that we
are afraid of because of his circumstances.
Honestly ladies, I can’t call it.
Maybe there are other intentions, a come up perhaps…maybe not. To let him pursue or not to let him
pursue…that is the question. I just
don’t know and I’m just keeping it real.
The fact of the matter is that we are all “Projects”. We all have issues, circumstances, hang-ups
and things we need to work out. To me the
real question here is what issues, circumstances, hang ups and things that need
to be worked out are we willing to work with?
Love rarely comes in the package that we envision. In fact it is not placed in our paths ready
to go. It takes being truthful in what
you need and a willingness by both parties to work together to make it right
for the two of you. To date him or not
to date him, that’s up to you but love is out there…you just have to find it.
Until next time my lovelies, remember…There’s
only love.
Peace and blessings,
Phaedra
Tuesday, March 29, 2016
The Gift
Gifts…everybody loves them. Some
gifts are extremely extravagant and some are as simple as single stemmed rose
or heartwarming card. It can come from
people we know, and people we don’t know.
It can be a word, a glance or a nod an acknowledgement of being
seen. No matter the gift, people
generally appreciate it. All of us have
the ability to give the greatest gift of all, and that is the gift of
love. We all possess this gift and we
all are capable of giving it. But this
article is not about the “gift giver”, this article is about the receiver of
the gift…just how grateful are you for the gift of love?
The gift of love is not parked in a driveway, nor is it worn on your
finger, around your neck or wrist. There
is no price tag associated with it and there is not enough money in the world
to buy it. The gift of love is in many
ways intangible by nature but can be touched and felt as if you were to reach up
to scratch the nose on your face. Have
you given any thought as to just how valuable that simple act is? Many of us
simply scratch and move on, not giving it another thought.
In a world of entitlement minded
people, the thought is that the gift giver is supposed to give. What a selfish
way to live. In relationship with an
entitlement minded person intent is evidenced by selfish behavior and words. Entitlement minded people think like this
because they fail to realize that the hand that reached up to scratch their
nose although it has value, does not have a choice as it was designed to do
that.
Perhaps you are not an entitlement minded person, maybe you are simply
unaware of the gift of love that is all around you. Yesterday, I saw the movie “Miracles from
Heaven” throughout the entire movie the gift of love was being poured on a
family struggling to care for an ill child.
The mother, played by Jennifer Gardner lost her faith in god, whereby
blocking her view to see all the love that was being shown to her and her
family during their crisis. But once her
faith was restored, her ability to see and to appreciate the gifts of love
received from friends and strangers became clear as crystal. Faith, love and appreciation go hand-in hand
my lovelies.
Giving is a choice in which I’ve seen many practice on a daily basis and
reciprocated in like manner, while on the other hand, I’ve seen where some
simply give it very little thought. So
today my lovelies, I ask that we take the first step in being grateful receivers
by” tuning in”. Tune into the love that surrounds you. Make it a point to acknowledge the smallest
acts of love and of kindness especially from strangers. Don’t just assume
that’s what people are supposed to do, appreciate it and watch how often it
comes to you.
Until next time my lovelies…Peace & blessings and remember…There is only love.
Phaedra
Monday, March 28, 2016
Welcome to Living in Atlanta: The Gift
Welcome to Living in Atlanta: The Gift: Gifts…everybody loves them. Some gifts are extremely extravagant and some are as simple as single stemmed rose or heartwarming card...
Sunday, March 20, 2016
Welcome to Living in Atlanta: My Favorite Things
Welcome to Living in Atlanta: My Favorite Things: One of my all-time favorite movies is “The Sound of Music”. The musical, starring Julie Andrews is one of love, family, finding you...
My Favorite Things
One of my all-time favorite movies is “The Sound of Music”. The musical, starring Julie Andrews is one of
love, family, finding your place in the world and perseverance. But what I love the most about this movie is
the music. My favorite song in the movie
is called “My Favorite Things” written by Rogers and Hammerstein. In addition to the melody, it lists some of
the simplest things that make the writer so happy.
Raindrops on roses and whiskers
on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warn woolen
mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with
string
These are a few of my favorite
things
How simple is that? This
afternoon, as I was walking up to my front door, this song came to mind. It is the first day of spring 2016. It’s sunny but cool. The brisk wind and warm sun touch my face at
the exact same time which gives me a warming chill. It makes me smile to be able to feel two
sensations at the same time. I’m coming
in from work and it has been a tiring day.
I’m looking down at my feet as I walk and see my brightly painted toes
peeking out from my sandals, “Ariah would love this color”, I say to myself and
her beautiful face with all that wild bushy hair and missing front teeth appears. I open my front door and another thought
comes to mind “What’s for dinner?’ only it’s not my voice saying it but Elijah’s
voice. I know what the next sentence is “Mimi,
can we help you cook?” Again I smile and
say to myself that I’m not cooking anything, but if you were here…yes, you can
help me cook.
I don’t remember putting my bags down but I do remember going into the
bathroom, pulling back the shower curtain and running a hot bath. Pouring in the Epsom salt and lavender into
the hot water filled the place with an aroma that placed me in another space
and time, not just standing in my bathroom.
I soak in my tub for what seems like hours thinking back on my week and
weekend before my mind just goes blank.
Here in this bath, I feel a peace that passes all understanding. The simple pleasure of relaxing without a
care or a thought is freeing. I’m smiling
no, dam near laughing for no reason what-so-ever. This is the simplest of times; this is one of
my favorite things and it feels good.
Our favorite things are the things that give our lives meaning because
it is just for us. Those are the things
in which when they happen it resonates with us so that only we can get its
meaning, we can laugh, love and persevere.
Our favorite things bring us back to our center when we have strayed off
course. It opens our hearts and minds to
new possible opportunities, it makes us look back over time and look ahead in
time and we are oh so grateful. Our
favorite things we should hold near and dear to our hearts, just like our
favorite people.
So my lovelies, when was the last time you did your favorite
thing? Life is just too short not
to. As the chorus in the song says…
” I simply remember my favorite
things, and then I don’t feel so bad.”
Peace and blessings to you all… There’s
only love.
Phaedra
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