Welcome to Living in Atlanta: Domestic Violence, The Not So Silent Killer

From the Desk of Phaedra G. Saunders - New Blog Post- Living in Atlanta - Domestic Violence, the Not So Silent Killer

I
read a quote which said, “be kind to those that you meet, you never
know what they had to endure just to wake up this morning”.  I think of
this quote when encountering women who rarely seem happy, stand offish,
closed off or attitudinal for no apparent reason...continue readingWelcome to Living in Atlanta: Domestic Violence, The Not So Silent Killer: I read a quote which said, “be kind to those that you meet, you never know what they had to endure just to wake up this morning”.   I...



 

Domestic Violence, The Not So Silent Killer

I read a quote which said, “be kind to those that you meet, you never know what they had to endure just to wake up this morning”.  I think of this quote when encountering women who rarely seem happy, stand offish, closed off or attitudinal for no apparent reason.  I often ask myself” what is she enduring to make her appear this way?  Perception is everything, and more often than not, what we perceive as truth often times, is not.  Domestic violence is REAL, and women are living in this trap of abuse daily.  True, not all women who appear this way is a victim of domestic violence, but she is going through something.  October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM).  This not so silent killer thrives when we keep silent.  Three years ago, before I started blogging and publishing my writings.  I wrote the poem below for my daughter.  She’s now out of the relationship and as her mother, I could only provide limited help because I knew that ultimately it was she who had to find the strength and courage to leave.  I just kept on loving her, talking to her, and praying for her until the day came in which she said “enough”.  I am so proud of her for doing just that.

You don’t have to have marks and bruises on your body to be a victim of domestic violence; it comes in many forms including mental and verbal abuse.  I will go as far to say that I believe that infidelity is also a form of domestic violence in that the cheater is manipulator and liar that has the same characteristics of manipulating, abusing, crushing a woman’s self-esteem and take away her security as the man who abuses a woman physically, mentally and verbally.  (For the purposes of this article we will keep to the physical, mental and verbal abuse). 

We all know women who are or have been victims of abuse; maybe you yourself are or have been a victim.  It’s not an easy thing to watch let alone experience.  But here is what is important to remember, it is not easy for the victim to break away from their abuser.  I know, I know, it makes no sense.  Being beaten, belittled and talked to any type of way and still stay.  In fact, in some instances, a woman that breaks the abuse chains with one man, either goes back, or attracts another man of the same character.  It’s a small percentage…sad but true.  Abuse counselors say that it’s is a mental disease.  I agree, and add that it’s also about getting to such a low place within yourself that you belief what is being fed to you.  The good news is that there are individuals that say, NO MORE, I’M DONE…ENOUGH.  I applaud those sisters; they are on the road to a better way of life for themselves and their children. 

To the sisters that are still in an abusive situation I say, “I know you hear us.  I know that you want to leave.  I know that you are afraid…But only you can make this happen.  There are places that you can go, there is help for you along the way, but YOU have to make the first step and keep stepping.

There is so much more to say on this subject and still that would not be enough.  All I can say to any sister I encounter is to stay strong, to know your worth, to be well and YOU CAN DO IT!

Until next time my lovelies…

Peace and blessings,

Phaedra

HE’S LOVING ME TO DEATH

He’s loving me to death, as I hold a cold compress to my face

if this is true love, I can’t keep up with this pace

‘cause when you say it and then you hit me, I git confused

cause you pay some bills, that means I’m not abused?

My eyes are wide open and I am able to see

each kick, blow and punch that is coming right towards me

my mind is telling me, git yo shit, hurry up …leave

Leave… leave, what you say, leave him alone!

If I run, if I say something, he may break a bone

So wounded and hurt right now I can’t take flight. 

He’s loving me to death, and I am too weary to fight.

Then, I look at my babies and in their eyes I see

that fear, hurt and pain starring right back at me. 

But I know, this here I just can’t have

a two-faced man wandering down this desolate path.

But even if I don’t have the strength on my own

my children, my peace of mind,his reign I must de-throne

I want better for them, hell, I want better for me,

Oh god what must I do to finally be free

to have the strength to walk out of that door, for my  children to see

that a man who hits a woman… is a man no more.

So despite what I feel and the courage that it takes

This time it’s for real and the first step I make

He’s loving me to death but now I see

He loving me to death, but there is a new resurrection within me.

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