I’m not a relationship expert, never claim to be. But I have seen and have experienced a few
things in my lifetime. I’ve been in love
and fallen out of it. I have enjoyed the
company of some great men who opened my eyes to life, I’ve been both the
student and the teacher, and I am truly grateful for that.
At this stage in my life I am still learning about relationships and
love but in a different way. It’s kinda curious
experiencing these feelings; it’s like a deja vu, only choosing to take different
routes than the ones taken before. This
one I must say is teaching me the most.
When I say the purist love, it is not said with naive school girl
innocence, filled with colorful butterflies and unicorns. While chemistry is a factor in pure love, pure
love takes courage, it takes compromise and it takes the willingness to be “all
in”. It takes speaking up without lashing out.
It is not selfish or
self-centered, and at times, it may not seem fair. That is why it is so important not to waste
time, your or anyone else’s. If the
person that you meet possesses a quality, characteristic or situation that you
know you don’t want, then it is best not to pursue it, because in the end you
will only end up breaking hearts and creating ill will. The fact of the matter is that love for one
another, even in a non relationship form, for all intent and purposes is not
meant to harm. It is meant for good.
I’ve had the pleasure of being around couples in love. Some have been married for decades while
others only a matter of months. They are
happy and at peace with themselves and I had often wondered how they got to
that point, better still what does it take to maintain it? There are valuable keys to a relationship
below are just a few I’ve witnessed.
Building a Solid Foundation
Everything starts with a foundation, the stronger the foundation, the
stronger the relationship, the shakier the foundation…well you know the
rest. There must be some common core
values that the two of you share. Views
on family, morals, ethics, and beliefs and let’s not forget finances. A strong foundation makes it possible to
reasonably and respectfully talk about issues that arise, because at the end of
the day the pillar of your foundation is a mutual respect for each other. Anything
built on sand will not last.
Understanding Each Other’s Wants
and Needs
He wants a house on the hill, while you want a cozy little cabin just
for two. While he is striving to get the
house on the hill, you could care less.
The more time he spends acquiring that, the further and further the two
of you are drifting apart. There is
nothing wrong with his wants and you may want to ask yourself a few questions. Do I understand what it will take for him to
achieve his goal? Do I believe in his
vision even if it is not a priority on my list?
Am I doing my part in support him/her while their dreams are being
pursued? While this illustration is
geared more towards the material, it can be applied to anything, material,
spiritual, physical. At the end of the day,
when two are working towards becoming one a balanced view of individuality is
essential.
It’s hard Out ‘Chea (Here)
Yep, I said out ‘chea (here). It’s crazy when you think about what you face
on a day-to-day bases and when you are in a relationship the craziness doubles. So it is important to know the person in your
life is in the trenches with you, you are not doing this alone and that you are
not taking the lead. It is a joint effort in which both of you have the same
desired outcomes…success in love, family and life together.
Real talk my lovelies is that the journey to the purist love is going
to take heart and blind faith and to be honest can be quite scary. It is attainable and I for one my loves am
willing to take the plunge.
Until next time my lovelies…there
is only love.
Peace and blessings,
Phaedra
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