I Hurt, You Hurt – The Power of Forgiveness

I heard the phrase “I hurt, you hurt” years ago from a friend, who at the time was going through a divorce and had received paperwork from her soon-to-be ex-husband’s lawyer requesting settlement of their impending divorce.  Through her anger, hurt and frustrations she uttered those words vowing to make their divorce most uncomfortable divorce ever…and it was.  The gift of forgiveness was not known to me at the time, and I ignorantly co-signed this sentiment along with her by saying “a girls’ gotta do what a girls’ gotta do. And through the years as I experienced hardships and trials; some from my own doing and some not, subconsciously adopted the same attitude.  I didn’t want to physically hurt others, but I did not want them to do well nor did the thought of forgiveness EVER cross my mind.

A person’s not forgiving or caring to forgive brings more hurt and pain in life.  And while it is simple to say, forgiveness is very hard to do.  You may be like me in that when I hear something that resonates with me, my next question is “How”?  How does one begin to forgive, it is more than merely saying I am sorry.

·         Follow Your Belief System’s Teachings on Forgiveness

·         Have a Forgiving Mindset

·         Forgiveness is Give,  Not Necessarily Take

What Does Your Belief System Say About Forgiveness?
Every belief system has advice on forgiveness.  For years, I read in the bible on how to forgive one another, but seldom practiced it.  The question is… do we practice what we preach?  Do we even attempt to practice it or are we so bogged down in our hurt and pain that we overlook what we have been raised to believe?  Hebrews 4:12 says “The word of god is alive and sharper than any two-edge sword and judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart”.  With a word this powerful, why not start there seeking and putting into practice what we need to do in order to forgive.

Have a Forgiving Mindset

When wronged, we tend to focus on the wrong doer’s actions and intent, and forgiveness is not thought about at this point.  I’m not saying that the wrong should be dismissed, and that it should not be investigated and discussed, but in addition to why it happens, an immediate thought of how to resolve it should be in the forefront. The sooner we have in our heart to forgive, the better our situation becomes.

Forgiveness is Give,  Not Necessarily Take

There are times when we have been wronged, and there are times when we are the wrong doers.  Forgiveness is a two way street and it is give and take.  Sometimes, when we have committed the wrong and need to ask forgiveness from someone else, the person on the other end does not accept our forgiveness.  And I want you to know that it’s okay.  Forgiveness is a two-way street, you travel down your street to seek, say and mean it, and it’s up to the other person to travel up their street to hear, accept and mean it.  So travel your street with honesty and integrity, and let the other person travel theirs. 

Peace and blessings,

Phaedra