The Purist Love

I’m not a relationship expert, never claim to be.  But I have seen and have experienced a few things in my lifetime.  I’ve been in love and fallen out of it.  I have enjoyed the company of some great men who opened my eyes to life, I’ve been both the student and the teacher, and I am truly grateful for that.

At this stage in my life I am still learning about relationships and love but in a different way.  It’s kinda curious experiencing these feelings; it’s like a deja vu, only choosing to take different routes than the ones taken before.  This one I must say is teaching me the most. 

When I say the purist love, it is not said with naive school girl innocence, filled with colorful butterflies and unicorns.  While chemistry is a factor in pure love, pure love takes courage, it takes compromise and it takes the willingness to be “all in”. It takes speaking up without lashing out.   It is not selfish or self-centered, and at times, it may not seem fair.  That is why it is so important not to waste time, your or anyone else’s.  If the person that you meet possesses a quality, characteristic or situation that you know you don’t want, then it is best not to pursue it, because in the end you will only end up breaking hearts and creating ill will.   The fact of the matter is that love for one another, even in a non relationship form, for all intent and purposes is not meant to harm. It is meant for good.   

I’ve had the pleasure of being around couples in love.  Some have been married for decades while others only a matter of months.  They are happy and at peace with themselves and I had often wondered how they got to that point, better still what does it take to maintain it?  There are valuable keys to a relationship below are just a few I’ve witnessed.

Building a Solid Foundation

Everything starts with a foundation, the stronger the foundation, the stronger the relationship, the shakier the foundation…well you know the rest.  There must be some common core values that the two of you share.  Views on family, morals, ethics, and beliefs and let’s not forget finances.  A strong foundation makes it possible to reasonably and respectfully talk about issues that arise, because at the end of the day the pillar of your foundation is a mutual respect for each other. Anything built on sand will not last.

 Understanding Each Other’s Wants and Needs

He wants a house on the hill, while you want a cozy little cabin just for two.  While he is striving to get the house on the hill, you could care less.  The more time he spends acquiring that, the further and further the two of you are drifting apart.  There is nothing wrong with his wants and you may want to ask yourself a few questions.  Do I understand what it will take for him to achieve his goal?  Do I believe in his vision even if it is not a priority on my list?  Am I doing my part in support him/her while their dreams are being pursued?  While this illustration is geared more towards the material, it can be applied to anything, material, spiritual, physical.  At the end of the day, when two are working towards becoming one a balanced view of individuality is essential.

It’s hard Out ‘Chea  (Here)

Yep, I said out ‘chea  (here).  It’s crazy when you think about what you face on a day-to-day bases and when you are in a relationship the craziness doubles.  So it is important to know the person in your life is in the trenches with you, you are not doing this alone and that you are not taking the lead. It is a joint effort in which both of you have the same desired outcomes…success in love, family and life together.

Real talk my lovelies is that the journey to the purist love is going to take heart and blind faith and to be honest can be quite scary.  It is attainable and I for one my loves am willing to take the plunge.

Until next time my lovelies…there is only love.

Peace and blessings,

Phaedra